Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/Johnny Judkins


 * Johnny Judkins was a vender
 * Of a patent liquid blacking:
 * Johnny Judkins he was witty,
 * And for "cheek" he was not lacking.


 * Johnny stood upon the corner,
 * Selling polish day by day,
 * And would "polish off" a party
 * Who had any thing to say.


 * Johnny's stereotyped expression
 * Was, "Now, gents, at the beginnin'
 * I would state this magic polish
 * Will not soil the finest linen."


 * Johnny then its other virtues
 * Rapidly would mention o'er,
 * And would sell his gaping hearers
 * From a dozen to a score.


 * Hans von Puffer bought a bottle,
 * Which upon his shirt-front white,
 * As he used it without caution,
 * Left a spot as black as night.


 * Back to Johnny went Von Puffer,
 * Saying, " Vot vas dot you zayl
 * 'Tvill not soil der vinest linen?
 * See mine shirt-vrond righdt avay!


 * "Vot vas dot ubon mine bosom?
 * Von't you dold me, ef you blease!
 * Shust you gife me pack mine money,
 * Or I goes vor der boleese!"


 * Johnny looked upon the Deutscher
 * With a bland and childlike smile;
 * Then upon the crowd before him,
 * Who enjoyed the sport meanwhile.


 * "Gentlemen," says Johnny Judkins,
 * "As I said in the beginnin',
 * This 'ere patent liquid polish
 * Will not soil the finest linen.


 * "As for that," says Johnny Judkins,—
 * Pointing where the spot of crock
 * Showed upon Von Puffer's bosom
 * Like a black sheep in a flock,—




 * "As for that," repeated Johnny,
 * "If you call that linen fine,
 * I would merely say, my hearers,
 * Your opinion is not mine."


 * Johnny Judkins still continues
 * Selling blacking by the ton.
 * Hans von Puffer chalks that bosom
 * Every time he puts it on.