Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/Dee Coming Man




 * I some invormashun, shust so qvickly vot
 * I can, How I shall pring mine Yawcob oup to been der coming man,
 * For efery day id seem to me der brosbect look der harder
 * To make dot coming man imbrove ubon dot going fader.
 * 'Tvas beddher he vas more like me, a Deutscher blain und rude,
 * As to been abofe hees peesnis und grown oup to been a dude.
 * I doil'd oxshbect dot poy off mine a Vashington to be,
 * Und schop mit hadchets all aronndt ubon mine abbledree,
 * So he can let der coundtry know he echmardter vas as I,
 * Und got scheap adverdising dot he don'd could dell a lie:
 * Mine Yawcob lets der drees alone undil der fruit dhey bear,
 * Und dhen dot feller he looks oudt und gets der lion's share.






 * Some say 'tvas beddher dot you teach der young ideas to shoot;
 * Veil, I dink dis aboudt id: dot advice id vas no goot!
 * Dot poy vonce dook hees broder oudt nnd dhey blay Yilliam Tell,
 * Budt Yawcob vas no shooter—he don'd do id pooty veil;
 * Dot arrow don'd go droo der core, budt id vent pooty near—
 * Shust near enough to miss id und go droo hees broder's ear.
 * He dravels mit hees buysickle in efery kind off redder,
 * Und dough he vas a demperance poy, somedimes he dakes a "header":
 * I don'd know shust oxactly vot dot vas—'tis vorse as bier—
 * Shust like he shtrike a cyglone und valk righdt off on his ear!
 * I ask von time aboudt id, budt dot poy he only grumble,
 * Und say I beddher try id vonce, dhen maybe I vould "tumble."






 * Dot Yawcob says dot ve vas boor, vmd he vants to be richer,
 * Und dot der coming man must been a virsd-glass pase-pall pitcher;
 * He say he must be "shtriking oudt" und try und "make a hit,"
 * Und dells me I vas "off mine pase" vhen I makes fun off it;
 * Vhen I say he soon must baddle hees canoe "oudt on der schwim,"
 * He say dot von off Hanlan's shells vas goot enough for him.
 * Dot Shakesbeer say aboudt der son dot's brofligate und vild:
 * "How sharper as a serpent's thanks vas been der toothless shild!"
 * (I got dot leedle dwisted; I mean dot thankless youth
 * He cuts hees poor oldt fader more as a serpent's tooth.)
 * Und dhen der broverb dells us dot der shild he must obey,
 * Und dot eef you should shpare der rod you shpoil him righdt avay.






 * Vell, Yawcob he vas pooty goot—I guess I don'd gomblain,
 * I somedimes vish, mineself, dot I vas been a poy again.
 * I lets him blay mit pase-pall, und dake headers vhile he can.
 * I prings him oup mit kindness, und I risk der coming man.
 * Let neighbor Pfeiffer use der shtick, vhile Otto howls und dances;
 * I'll shpoil der rod und shpare der shild, I dink, und dake der shances.