Yawcob Strauss and Other Poems/A Tough Customer


 * Tis a story of a toper:
 * I knew him passing well,—
 * A shoemaker in Natick,
 * Which is oftentimes called — well-
 * Of course you've heard the story;
 * So I will not stop to tell.


 * He was the hardest drinker
 * For many miles around;
 * Though, as a waggish chap remarked,
 * "Hard drinker! I'll be bound
 * He drinks about as easy
 * As any man I've found!"


 * There chanced to be a "sample-room"
 * Close by his little shop,
 * In which, "just to be neighborly,"
 * He frequently would drop,
 * And "take a little something warm,"
 * From gin to gin-gei pop.


 * One day he went as usual;
 * And, finding no one in,
 * He spied upon the counter
 * What he supposed was gin,
 * And straightway took a "nipper"
 * From the bottle it was in.


 * Surveying, a la connoisseur,
 * The name the bottle bore,
 * He found 'twas aquafortis,
 * Which he had taken "raw," —
 * "A brand," quoth he, "I ne'er did see,
 * And never drank before."


 * Just then his neighbor happened in;
 * And, tremulous with fear,
 * (The bottle told the story,)
 * He asked if he felt queer,
 * And if he'd have a doctor called,
 * As one was living near.


 * "Don't worry," said the shoemaker:
 * "I'm all'right, I believe.
 * There's but one thing that's curious:
 * I really can't conceive
 * Why, when I wipe my mouth, it burns
 * A hole right through my sleeve!"