Wikisource:WikiProject Film/Intertitles from GeoCities/Flirting with Fate

Flirting with Fate 1 August Holliday, the hero of this story, an artist by profession, is long on temperament and short on funds. He can draw everything except a salary.

AUGY HOLLIDAY - DOUGLAS FAIRBANKS

2 Observing that his poor doggies have no bones, except such as are contained in their anatomies, August proves himself artist enough to put one over on Old Mother Hubbard.

3 The rent collector who would like to see the last of August.

4 August has trained his trusty watch-dogs for jobs like this.

5 Although Augy is broke to the world, he is rich in the friendship of Harry Hansum, a society guy, who will prove that handsome is as handsome does.

HARRY  -   -   -   W. E. LAURENCE

6 "I am going to show you a portrait I have painted of the most beautiful girl in the world."

7 "I know that girl! She belongs to a nice family. How in thunder did you meet her?"

8 "It was rent day, so I went over in the park to work."

9 "I'll stake you to money and new clothes and introduce you right."

10 And now the great opportunity comes.

A reception at the girl's home.

11 GLADYS, THE GIRL - JEWEL CARMEN

PHYLLIS, HER CHUM - DOROTHY HADEL

12 Augy's artistic ravings hand Gladys an awful jolt.

13 "The tonal composition on your hair and the high-lights on your nose remind me of Rosa Bonheur at her best."

14 Suddenly Gladys remembers that Rosy never painted any- thing but horses.

15 "Auntie picked that out for Gladys a long time ago, but between you and me Gladys has a mind of her own."

16 August lingers on.

17 "He's an artist, and who- ever heard of an artist with money."

18 "Let's beat it, Augy, we're getting on Auntie's nerves!"

19 Fate deals Augy another lucky day.

Customers drop in who know nothing about art.

20 "Old Mike Angelo himself couldn't have painted that. I wouldn't sell it for a million dollars."

21 "I'll give you three thousand       in real money."

22 "Here's my address. If you change your mind let me know."

23 "I may not be welcome in your home, sweetheart, but they can't buy you out of mine."

24 Augy braves another call and finds Gladys' chum is willing to help him in his plans.

25 Augy's glib enough about the high-brow art lingo, but when it comes to love, he can't think of a word to say.

26 Poor Augy! Never mind! Every chap in the audience has suffered just as you are suffering.

27 Meanwhile at his studio ......

28 Not even the snores of the faithful watch-dogs disturb the burglar as he cuts the priceless picture from its frame.

29 "Rehearse your proposal       with me."

30 "You are the sweetest, dearest, most entrancingly wonderful girl in the whole world. I love you! I love you!! I love you!!! Refuse me and death shall be my solace!"

31 Cheer up, August, let September mourn.

32 And this is the most unkindest cut of all.

33 After a night of bitter, bitter anguish.

34 Half an hour later.

35      More hard luck!

Augy has a quarter-in-the-slot meter, and his quarter's worth of gas has run out.

36 "Give me a quarter and a nickle    for these three dimes."

37  "Why, I'd croak a whole      family for a dollar!"

AUTOMATIC JOE - GEORGE BERANGER

38 "He shot a guy the other day for just bumping into him."

39 "Beg your pardon, mister,    are you sick?"

40 "May I speak to you    privately?"

41 "I want to engage your professional services to cash me in."

42 "I'll give you my last fifty dollars for this job. I've just simply gotta die, but I don't want to know when it's coming."

43 "I can kick you off any way you like. Let me describe my line of samples."

44 "On the other hand, Joe's perfora- tive peptonic combines all the advantages of a colour scheme with a rapid exit."

45 "That last style hits me. I think I'll pick that one."

46 "I'll protect you with a     suicide note."

47 But even professional assassins have hearts and mothers.

48 "As your mother is so extremely unwell, do you not think that you should amend your mode of life?"

49 While Augy waits for the end.

50 "Here's that painting, sir. We caught him trying to sell it."

51 But what if ......

52 Automatic Joe remembers the dying words of his mother.

53 Augy obeys an old injunction to tell his troubles to the police.

54 "I'm being pursued by an        assassin."

55 A good way to get rid of a correspondence school detective, who has been boring the police.

THE DETECTIVE - J. P. McCARTY

56 The Correspondence-School detective has copyrighted this idea.

57 Augy's imagination blisters reality.

58 Interrupting a rehearsal.

59 "Sell me some whiskers!"

60 Might this be Automatic Joe in disguise?

61 A fugitive Nihilist.

62 It takes longer to save assassins than common sinners.

63 "I was rated as the best  assassin in the city."

64 One obligation still on Joe's conscience, - the unearned fifty.

65 Even the terror of imminent death cannot keep our Augy from the side of his Gladys.

66 But what if ......

67 But alas, we have forgotten Auntie! What will she say to this?

68 It's all right, folks. Auntie now has a million reasons for liking Augy.

69 The orchestra will now kindly oblige with the wedding march from Lohengrin.

Da-daa-de-da, etc.

70 "There's the man who gave      me the fifty!"

71 "My young friend, are you prepared to meet your God?"

72 "I know it was a sin to break our agreement, but I can no longer be a hired assassin."

73 Safely married, Augy no longer flirts, even with Fate.

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