User:PeterSymonds/An Account of the Conduct of the Dowager Duchess of Marlborough/I

A Letter, &c.
My Lord, I have been often told, that there is a Sort of Philosophy, by which People have brought themselves to be indifferent, not only whether they be at all remembered after Death, but whether in Case their Names should survive them, they be mentioned with Praise or Infamy. If this be really a Point of Wisdom, it is infinitely beyond my Reach; and I shall own further, that it seems to me too refined and sublime to be attained by any Body, who has not first got rid of the Prejudices of Common Sense and Common Honesty. I will not pretend to say, that the Passion for Fame may not sometime be excessive, and deservedly the Subject of Ridicule. But surely, my Lord, there never was a single instance of a Person of true Honour, who was willing to be spoken of, either during Life or after it, as a Betrayer of his Country or his Friend. And I am persuaded your Lordship must have observed, that all those who, at this Day, declare themselves wholly careless about what the World, or the Circle of their Acquaintance will say of them, when they are dead, are quite unconcerned to deserve a good Character, while they live.

For my own Part, I frankly confess to your Lordship and to the World, that whatever Vanity or Weakness the Ambition of a good Name may be thought, either by Philosophers or by Ministers of State, to imply, I have ever felt some Degree of that Ambition, from that Moment I could distinguish between Good and Evil. My chief Aim (if I have any Acquaintance with my own Heart) has been both in publick and private Life, to deserve Approbation; but I have never been without an earnest Desire to have it too, both living and dead, from the wise and virtuous.

My Lord, this Passion has led me to take more Pains, than you would easily imagine. It has sometimes carried me beyond the Sphere, to which the Men have thought proper, and perhaps, generally speaking, with good Reason, to continue our Sex. I have been a kind of Author. About forty Years ago, having understood that the Wife of the late Bishop Burnet, a Lady whom I greatly esteemed, had received unfavourable impressions of me, on Account of the unhappy Differences between Queen Mary and her Sister, I wrote a faithful Narrative of that Affair, purely to satisfy that one Person.

And when, after my Dismission, from Queen Anne's Service, I perceived how industriously Malice was employed, in inventing Calumnies to load me with, I drew up my Account of my Conduct in the several Offices I had filled under her Majesty. This Piece I intended to publish immediately, but was dissuaded from it by a Person (of great Eminence at this Day) whom I thought my Friend. I have since imagined, that he had by Instinct an Aversion to Accounting. It was said, as a Reason for deferring the Publication of my Account, that Prejudice and Passion were grown too violent and stormy for the Voice of Reason to be heard, but that those would, after some Time, subside; ad that the Truth, then brought to Light, would unavoidably prevail. I followed the Advice with the less Reluctance, as being conscious of the Power of an early Vindication whenever my Patience should be push'd to Extremity.

After this I set myself another Task, to which I was partly urged by the Injustice, and, I may say, Ingratitude of the Whigs. It was to give an Account of my Conduct with Regard to Parties, and of the successful Artifice of Mr. Harley and Mrs. Masham, in taking Advantage of the Queen's Passion fo