Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings/A Temperance Reformer

XVIII. A Temperance Reformer
“Yer come Uncle Remus,” said a well-dressed negro, who was standing on the sidewalk near James’s bank recently, talking to a crowd of barbers. “Yer come Uncle Remus. I boun’ he’ll sign it.”

“You’ll fling yo’ money away ef you bet on it,” responded Uncle Remus. “I ain’t turnin’ nothin’ loose on chu’ch ’scriptions. I wants money right now fer ter git a pint er meal.”

“’Tain’t dat.”

“An’ I ain’t heppin fer ter berry nobody. Much’s I kin do ter keep de bref in my own body.”

“’Tain’t dat, nudder.”

“An’ I ain’t puttin’ my han’ ter no reckommends. I’m fear’d fer ter say a perlite wud ’bout myself, an’ I des know I ain’t gwine ’roun’ flatter’n up deze udder niggers.”

“An’ ’tain’t dat,” responded the darkey, who held a paper in his hand. “We er gittin’ up a Good Tempeler’s lodge, an’ we like ter git yo’ name.”

“Eh-eh, honey! I done see too much er dis nigger tempunce. Dey stan’ up mighty squar’ ontwell dere dues commence ter cramp um, an’ dey don’t stan’ de racket wuf a durn. No longer’n yistiddy I seed one er de head men er one er dese Tempeler’s s’cieties totin’ water fer a bar-room. He had de water in a bucket, but dey ain’t no tellin’ how much red licker he wuz a totin’. G’long, chile—jine yo’ s’ciety an’ be good ter yo’se’f. I’m a gittin’ too ole. Gimme th’ee er fo’ drams endurin’ er de day, an’ I’m mighty nigh ez good a tempunce man ez de next un. I got ter scuffle fer sump’n t’eat.”