Two Noble Kinsmen (Oxford 1908)/Act 5/Scene 2

Scaena 2. (A darkened Room in the Prison.)

[Enter Doctor, Iaylor and Wooer, in habite of Palamon.]

DOCTOR.

Has this advice I told you, done any good upon her?

WOOER.

O very much; The maids that kept her company Have halfe perswaded her that I am Palamon; Within this halfe houre she came smiling to me, And asked me what I would eate, and when I would kisse her: I told her presently, and kist her twice.

DOCTOR.

Twas well done; twentie times had bin far better, For there the cure lies mainely.

WOOER.

Then she told me She would watch with me to night, for well she knew What houre my fit would take me.

DOCTOR.

Let her doe so, And when your fit comes, fit her home, And presently.

WOOER.

She would have me sing.

DOCTOR.

You did so?

WOOER.

No.

DOCTOR.

Twas very ill done, then; You should observe her ev'ry way.

WOOER.

Alas, I have no voice, Sir, to confirme her that way.

DOCTOR.

That's all one, if yee make a noyse; If she intreate againe, doe any thing,&mdash; Lye with her, if she aske you.

IAILOR.

Hoa, there, Doctor!

DOCTOR.

Yes, in the waie of cure.

IAILOR.

But first, by your leave, I'th way of honestie.

DOCTOR.

That's but a nicenesse, Nev'r cast your child away for honestie; Cure her first this way, then if shee will be honest, She has the path before her.

IAILOR.

Thanke yee, Doctor.

DOCTOR.

Pray, bring her in, And let's see how shee is.

IAILOR.

I will, and tell her Her Palamon staies for her: But, Doctor, Me thinkes you are i'th wrong still. [Exit Iaylor.]

DOCTOR.

Goe, goe: You Fathers are fine Fooles: her honesty? And we should give her physicke till we finde that&mdash;

WOOER.

Why, doe you thinke she is not honest, Sir?

DOCTOR.

How old is she?

WOOER.

She's eighteene.

DOCTOR.

She may be, But that's all one; tis nothing to our purpose. What ere her Father saies, if you perceave Her moode inclining that way that I spoke of, Videlicet, the way of flesh&mdash;you have me?

WOOER.

Yet, very well, Sir.

DOCTOR.

Please her appetite, And doe it home; it cures her, ipso facto, The mellencholly humour that infects her.

WOOER.

I am of your minde, Doctor.

[Enter Iaylor, Daughter, Maide.]

DOCTOR.

You'l finde it so; she comes, pray humour her.

IAILOR.

Come, your Love Palamon staies for you, childe, And has done this long houre, to visite you.

DAUGHTER.

I thanke him for his gentle patience; He's a kind Gentleman, and I am much bound to him. Did you nev'r see the horse he gave me?

IAILOR.

Yes.

DAUGHTER.

How doe you like him?

IAILOR.

He's a very faire one.

DAUGHTER.

You never saw him dance?

IAILOR.

No.

DAUGHTER.

I have often. He daunces very finely, very comely, And for a Iigge, come cut and long taile to him, He turnes ye like a Top.

IAILOR.

That's fine, indeede.

DAUGHTER.

Hee'l dance the Morris twenty mile an houre, And that will founder the best hobby-horse (If I have any skill) in all the parish, And gallops to the turne of LIGHT A' LOVE: What thinke you of this horse?

IAILOR.

Having these vertues, I thinke he might be broght to play at Tennis.

DAUGHTER.

Alas, that's nothing.

IAILOR.

Can he write and reade too?

DAUGHTER.

A very faire hand, and casts himselfe th'accounts Of all his hay and provender: That Hostler Must rise betime that cozens him. You know The Chestnut Mare the Duke has?

IAILOR.

Very well.

DAUGHTER.

She is horribly in love with him, poore beast, But he is like his master, coy and scornefull.

IAILOR.

What dowry has she?

DAUGHTER.

Some two hundred Bottles, And twenty strike of Oates; but hee'l ne're have her; He lispes in's neighing, able to entice A Millars Mare: Hee'l be the death of her.

DOCTOR.

What stuffe she utters!

IAILOR.

Make curtsie; here your love comes.

WOOER.

Pretty soule, How doe ye? that's a fine maide, ther's a curtsie!

DAUGHTER.

Yours to command ith way of honestie. How far is't now to'th end o'th world, my Masters?

DOCTOR.

Why, a daies Iorney, wench.

DAUGHTER.

Will you goe with me?

WOOER.

What shall we doe there, wench?

DAUGHTER.

Why, play at stoole ball: What is there else to doe?

WOOER.

I am content, If we shall keepe our wedding there.

DAUGHTER.

Tis true: For there, I will assure you, we shall finde Some blind Priest for the purpose, that will venture To marry us, for here they are nice, and foolish; Besides, my father must be hang'd to morrow And that would be a blot i'th businesse. Are not you Palamon?

WOOER.

Doe not you know me?

DAUGHTER.

Yes, but you care not for me; I have nothing But this pore petticoate, and too corse Smockes.

WOOER.

That's all one; I will have you.

DAUGHTER.

Will you surely?

WOOER.

Yes, by this faire hand, will I.

DAUGHTER.

Wee'l to bed, then.

WOOER.

Ev'n when you will. [Kisses her.]

DAUGHTER.

O Sir, you would faine be nibling.

WOOER.

Why doe you rub my kisse off?

DAUGHTER.

Tis a sweet one, And will perfume me finely against the wedding. Is not this your Cosen Arcite?

DOCTOR.

Yes, sweet heart, And I am glad my Cosen Palamon Has made so faire a choice.

DAUGHTER.

Doe you thinke hee'l have me?

DOCTOR.

Yes, without doubt.

DAUGHTER.

Doe you thinke so too?

IAILOR.

Yes.

DAUGHTER.

We shall have many children:&mdash;Lord, how y'ar growne! My Palamon, I hope, will grow, too, finely, Now he's at liberty: Alas, poore Chicken, He was kept downe with hard meate and ill lodging, But ile kisse him up againe.

[Emter a Messenger.]

MESSENGER.

What doe you here? you'l loose the noblest sight That ev'r was seene.

IAILOR.

Are they i'th Field?

MESSENGER.

They are. You beare a charge there too.

IAILOR.

Ile away straight. I must ev'n leave you here.

DOCTOR.

Nay, wee'l goe with you; I will not loose the Fight.

IAILOR.

How did you like her?

DOCTOR.

Ile warrant you, within these 3. or 4. daies Ile make her right againe. You must not from her, But still preserve her in this way.

WOOER.

I will.

DOCTOR.

Lets get her in.

WOOER.

Come, sweete, wee'l goe to dinner; And then weele play at Cardes.

DAUGHTER.

And shall we kisse too?

WOOER.

A hundred times.

DAUGHTER.

And twenty.

WOOER.

I, and twenty.

DAUGHTER.

And then wee'l sleepe together.

DOCTOR.

Take her offer.

WOOER.

Yes, marry, will we.

DAUGHTER.

But you shall not hurt me.

WOOER.

I will not, sweete.

DAUGHTER.

If you doe, Love, ile cry. [Florish. Exeunt]