Translation:Shulchan Aruch/Even ha-Ezer/25

Paragraph 1- It is appropriate for a person to accustom himself with extra holiness, pure thoughts and a clear mind in order to prevent himself from stumbling with prohibited sexual relations. He should be careful not to seclude, which is the greatest source of issues. Likewise, he should have the practice to distance himself from laughter, drunkenness and levity. He should not live without a wife because having a wife causes a greater amount of purity than all of these. The Rabbis said one should turn himself and his thoughts to Torah matters and should broaden his knowledge of wisdom because thoughts of prohibited sexual relations are only strong in hearts that are clear of wisdom.

Paragraph 2- A person should not be lightheaded with his wife. He should not dirty his mouth with inappropriate words, even between him and her, as the verse states, “they tell a person what his conversation was.” The Rabbis said that one will have to even answer for the light conversation between a person and his wife. One should not talk to his wife during sexual relations nor prior to them so that he does not think about another woman. If he talked with her and immediately had sexual relations, the verse says on such a person “they tell a person what his conversation was.” He can, however, discuss the actual sex with her in order to increase his desire or if he was angry with her and needs to appease her he can talk with her in order to do so. ''A person can do whatever he desires with wife. He can have sexual relations at any time he wants, He can kiss any body part he desires. He can have sexual relations in the typical or atypical manner or involving other body parts, so long as he does not ejaculate. There are those who are lenient and say that one may have atypical sex even if he ejaculates if he only does it occasionally and is not accustomed to do it. Although the foregoing is permitted, whomever sanctifies himself with things that are permitted is referred to as holy.'' One should not have excessive amounts of sexual relations so that he is constantly with her, because this is something disgusting that lowlifes do. Rather, whomever has as little sexual relations as possible is praiseworthy, so long as he does not miss the required times without his wife’s permission. Even when one has sexual relations at the required times, he should not intend for his pleasure. Rather, he should act as someone paying his debt because he is required to provide for her and to fulfil the commandment of his creator who said to procreate and to have children that learn Torah and fulfill the Jews’ commandments. A person should not have sexual relations without her desire. If she does not desire, he should appease her until she desires. One should be very modest while having sexual relations. He should not have sexual relations in front of any person, even a child, unless it is an infant who cannot speak.

Paragraph 3- One should not have sexual relations at the beginning of the night or at the end of the night, but in middle of the night.

Paragraph 4- One is prohibited from having sexual relations in the markets, streets and gardens. Rather, it should be done at home so as not to appear like prostitution and they will ultimately bring themselves to prostitution. One who has sexual relations with his wife in these places would receive mardus lashes.

Paragraph 5- One is prohibited from having sexual relations by the light of a candle, even if they use clothing to make it dark. If it was Shabbos and there was no other house and the candle was lit, they should not have sexual relations at all. Likewise, one is prohibited from having sexual relations during the day because it is brazen. See Orach Chaim 240:11 and 315:1.

Paragraph 6- One is prohibited from having sexual relations during years of hunger, except if they are lacking children.

Paragraph 7- A guest should not have sexual relations until he returns home.

Paragraph 8- A person should not have sexual relations with wife while he has hatred towards her. Likewise, if he has made up his mind to divorce her he should not have sexual relations with her.

Paragraph 9- A man should not have sexual relations while he or his wife are drunk.

Paragraph 10- A person should not have sexual relations with his wife while thinking about another woman, even if she is also his wife. See more of these laws in Orach Chaim Siman 240.