Translation:Puss in Boots/Act 3/Scene 7

ACT THREE

__________ Scene Seven The Palace of the Bugbear. _____

Discovered, as a rhinoceros; is standing in front of him.

Peasant May it please your grace

Bugbear Justice must be done, my friend.

Peasant But I can't pay you now.

Bugbear But you lost the case; the law demands your money and your punishment; your estates must be sold off; you have no alternative under the law.

Exit peasant.

Bugbear who has turned back into an ordinary bugbear These people would lose all respect for me if I did not force them to fear me like this.

enters, bowing profusely.

Bailiff May it please you my lord  I

Bugbear What's the matter, my friend?

Bailiff With your kindest permission, your grace, I tremble in your formidable presence.

Bugbear Oh, this is not nearly my most terrifying form.

Bailiff I came in fact in the matter of  to beg you to take my part against my neighbor  I also brought this purse with me  but the sight of the Grand Inquisitor is too horrifying.

The Bugbear suddenly turns himself into a mouse and sits in a corner.

Bailiff Hey, where has the Bugbear gone?

Bugbear in a delicate voice Just put the money down there on the table; I will sit here to avoid frightening you.

Bailiff Here.

He puts the money down.

Bailiff Oh, this justice is a wonderful thing. How can one be afraid of such a mouse!

Exit bailiff.

Bugbear assuming his natural form Not a bad purse one must also take pity on human frailty.

Enter.

Hinze With your permission aside Courage, Hinze, courage aloud Your Excellency

Bugbear What do you want?

Hinze I am a traveling scholar who wishes to take the liberty of making your acquaintance, your excellency.

Bugbear Very well, then, make my acquaintance.

Hinze You are a mighty prince; your love of justice is known all over the world.

Bugbear Yes, I don't doubt it. Do sit down.

Hinze I have heard many wonderful things about Your Highness

Bugbear Yes, people are always looking for something to talk about, and it is only natural that the reigning monarch should take pride of place in their discussions.

Hinze But there is one thing I just cannot believe: that Your Excellency can transform himself into an elephant or a tiger.

Bugbear I can give you an example of my powers right now.

He turns himself into a lion.

Hinze trembling, he pulls out a notebook Permit me to make a note of this curiosity. But now could you please resume your own charming form? Otherwise I shall die of fright.

Bugbear in his natural form That's some trick, eh, my dear fellow?

Hinze Amazing! But one more thing: they also say you can transform yourself into very small animals; with all due respect, I find that even more inconceivable; for, pray tell, what becomes then of your not inconsiderable bulk?

Bugbear Let me show you.

He transforms himself into a mouse; Hinze leaps after him on all fours; the Bugbear flees terrified into another room, with Hinze in hot pursuit.

Hinze returning Freedom and Equality! The Law has been devoured! Now surely the Tiers État Gottlieb will take office.

Everyone in the pit stamps and hisses.

Schlosser Wait! This is a revolutionary play after all! I suspect there's an allegorical and mystical meaning behind every word. Stop! Stop! Now I wish I could reflect on everything and experience it all again in order to spot all the hints and hidden suggestions, and to plumb the work's religious depths. Stop! Don't stamp! They should perform the play again from the beginning. Stop this infernal racket!

The stamping continues; Wiesener and several others applaud; Hinze is totally perplexed.

Bötticher I must

Fischer Keep quiet.

Bötticher Must must

Müller He's really struggling! Look how he's inflating himself!

Fischer I'd be afraid he might burst with the effort.

Bötticher Must must

Fischer For heaven's sake, you'll kill yourself!

Bötticher Pr–pr very loud Praise!!

The gag flies out of his mouth, across the orchestra, onto the stage, and lands on Hinze's head.

Hinze Ow! Arggh! They're throwing stones at me! I've been mortally wounded in the head!

He runs away.

Bötticher Must praise, extol, apotheosize and interpret the heavenly, nay unique, talent of this peerless man, to which nothing comparable is to be found in this or any other country. Oh, for shame! Now he must think that in my attempt to extol him I was actually trying to harm him, and all because that infernal gag landed on his sacred laurel-crowned head.

Fischer It was like a cannon shot.

Müller Leave him, he's only prattling on and praising his precious actor, but grab a hold of Schlosser, who's now become rabid.

Schlosser Oh, the profundity, the profundity of mystical opinions! Oh, surely now in the final scene the so-called cat will kneel down on the mountaintops before the rising Sun, whose rosy-fingered rays will shine through his transparent body! But, alas, now we are going to be deprived of this glorious scene! Listen! Will this stamping never cease! No, you wretches, let me go Get away!

Leutner Here, Fischer, luckily I found a piece of strong twine in the orchestra pit; there, tie his hands.

Müller And his feet, he's thrashing about like a madman.

Bötticher Ah, that's better. How free I feel, now that my gag has flown far away into the wide world! Now my eulogies can overflow once more like a raging torrent that has burst its banks, copious and prolix. I can display my learning with allusions and quotations, and reel off purple passages from the ancients. Oh, what grace this man has! How ingeniously he expressed his weariness by slightly bending and cracking his knees when he was obliged to stand still, and not by wiping the sweat from his brow, as a common artiste would have done; no, he had no time for such nonsense, not he — the foremost, the unique, the superhuman, the colossal, the Titanic!

Fischer Now that the barrage has been removed, he starts up with the hymns right on cue.

Müller Leave him; Schlosser is much worse.

Schlosser Ah! Now the secret society that is working for the good of humanity should appear; now freedom is to be proclaimed, and I am in chains!

The tumult increases, as does the clamor in the pit and in the gallery.

Leutner Now, this is one hell of a spectacle! It's as if the whole theater were about to collapse.

Playwright in the wings Madness! Leave me alone But where can I flee?

He rushes distraught onto the stage.

Playwright What am I to do, most miserable of wretches? The play will be over presently everything might have run smoothly  and to think I was expecting this moral scene to win me so much acclaim. If only it weren't so far from here to the king's palace  I could fetch the pacifier  at the end of the second act  he made all the fables of Orpheus seem credible to me. But what a fool I am! I'm totally confused; Here I am standing on the stage  while the pacifier must be somewhere  behind the scenes. I will look for him I must find him  he will save me!

The Playwright leaves the stage; he returns promptly.

Playwright He is not there. Pacifier! An empty echo mocks me. Hurry, your honor! Just a little mediating criticism and the whole country  which is now in uproar  will be pacified. We liked the whole of the play we only failed to understand the middle section  audience and me alike! Mediator! Pacifier! Slightly better criticism to end this anarchy! Alas! He has deserted me. Ha!! There he is he must come onstage!

The pauses are filled by stamping from the pit; the playwright delivers this monologue in recitative, so that the effect is one of melodrama.

Pacifier behind the scenes No, I shan't go on.

Playwright Come on, show some courage, man! I'm sure you'll be a great success.

Pacifier The uproar is too terrifying.

Playwright forcing him onto the stage The whole world is waiting for you! Get out there! Mediate! Pacify!

Pacifier coming onstage with his glockenspiel Well, I'll have a go.

He sounds the bells and sings.

Pacifier

The pit begins to applaud, while the scene is changed; the fire-and-water music from The Magic Flute begins to play, above appears the open temple of the Sun, the sky is clear and Jupiter is sitting in it; below is Hell with Tarkaleon; goblins and witches onstage, many lights. Unrestrained applause from the audience, everything is in turmoil.

Wiesener Now the cat only has to pass through fire and water, and the play will be over.

Enter, with bandaged head,.

Hinze This is the palace of the Count of Carabas. What the dickens! This place has certainly undergone some transformation!

King A beautiful palace!

Hinze Since things have gone this far, taking Gottlieb by the hand you must first pass through the fire here, and then through the water.

Gottlieb walks through fire and water to the sound of flute and timpani.

Hinze You have survived the ordeal; now, my prince, you have been found worthy to govern.

Gottlieb Governing, Hinze, is a peculiar thing. I'm beginning to feel a little luke-warm about it now.

King And now accept my daughter's hand.

Princess How happy I am!

Gottlieb Me too. But, my lord, I wish I could also reward my servant.

King By all means; I hereby raise him to the peerage.

He presents the cat with a medal.

King What exactly is his name?

Gottlieb Hinze; he was born into a humble family, but his virtues exalt him.

quickly steps forward.

Leander Make way! Make way!

He pushes his way through the crowd.

Leander I have ridden posthaste in order to offer my adorable princess and her husband-to-be my heartiest congratulations.

He steps forward and bows to the audience

Loud and universal rapping. The curtain falls.