Translation:Puss in Boots/Act 1/Scene 1

ACT ONE

__________ Scene One A small parlor in a peasant's cottage.

_____

. The tom-cat is lying on a stool by the stove. Lorenz I think that after the death of our father, our little fortune can be divided easily. You know that the deceased has left us only three pieces of property: a horse, an ox, and that cat there. I, as the eldest son, will take the horse; Barthel, the eldest after me, gets the ox; and so the cat of course is left for the youngest of us.

Leutner in the pit For Heaven's sake! Have you ever seen such an exposition! Just look how far the dramatic arts have degenerated!

Müller But I understand everything perfectly well.

Leutner That is precisely the problem: one should give the audience subtle hints, not ram everything down their throats.

Müller But now we know where we are, don't we?

Leutner Yes, but surely we shouldn't be told that so quickly; why, half the fun consists in finding things out little by little.

Schlosser The illusion suffers as a result of it; that is undeniable.

Barthel I trust you too will be satisfied with this division, Gottlieb; unfortunately you are the youngest, and so you must grant us some privileges.

Gottlieb Yes, of course.

Schlosser But why doesn't the court of wards take an interest in the inheritance? It's incomprehensible, not to mention improbable!

Lorenz So we'll be off now, dear Gottlieb. Farewell. Don't let time hang heavy on your hands.

Gottlieb Goodbye.

The brothers leave.

Gottlieb alone. Soliloquy. They have gone and I am left on my own. We each have our lodgings; Lorenz, of course, can till the ground with his horse; Barthel can slaughter and pickle his ox and live on it for a while; but what can a poor wretch like me do with a cat? At best I can make a muff for the winter out of his fur, and even then I think he is casting his hair now. There he lies, sleeping quite comfortably. Poor Hinze! Soon we shall have to part. I am sorry I brought him up, I know him as well as I know myself but he'll just have to accept it, I can't help it, I really must sell him. He's looking at me as though he understands. It's almost enough to make one cry.

He walks up and down, lost in thought.

Müller Well, you see now, don't, you, that it's going to be a touching picture of domestic bliss? The peasant is poor and without money; now, in the direst need, he will sell his faithful pet to some impressionable young lady, and in the end that will be the foundation of his good fortune. It is an imitation of Kotzebue's The Parrot; here the bird is replaced by a cat, but otherwise everthing will turn out the same.

Fischer Now that it's turning out this way, I too am satisfied.

Hinze the tom-cat rises, stretches, arches his back, yawns, then speaks.

Hinze My dear Gottlieb, I have the utmost sympathy for You.

Gottlieb astonished What, Puss, you can speak?

The Critics in the pit The cat can talk? What does that mean, then?

Fischer I'm finding it impossible to achieve the necessary sense of illusion here.

Müller I would rather never see another play in all my life than let myself be disappointed like this again.

Hinze Why shouldn't I be able to speak, Gottlieb?

Gottlieb I would not have suspected it; in all my life I have never heard a cat speak.

Hinze Just because we don't butt into every conversation, You think we are no better than dogs.

Gottlieb I think your only purpose is to catch mice.

Hinze If, in our intercourse with human beings, we had not developed a healthy contempt for speech, we would all speak.

Gottlieb Well, I'll grant you that! But why do you never let anyone become aware of this ability of yours?

Hinze To avoid being burdened with responsibility; once the power of speech is beaten into us so-called dumb brutes, we won't be able to take any pleasure out of life. Look at all the things dogs are compelled to do and learn! And horses, those poor martyred creatures! The foolish animals have revealed their intelligence; they just had to indulge their vanity. We cats, however, are still the freest race because we are clever enough to behave in so clumsy a fashion that human beings have quite given up all ideas of training us.

Gottlieb But why do you reveal all this to me?

Hinze Because You are a good and noble man, one of the few who take no delight in servitude and slavery; so You see, that is why I reveal my true nature to You.

Gottlieb giving him his hand. You're a good friend!

Hinze Human beings labor under the misapprehension that the only remarkable thing about us cats is that strange purring which arises from a certain sense of well-being; for that reason they often stroke us awkwardly, and then we only purr to ward off blows. But if they knew how to manage us in the right way, believe me, they could accustom our good nature to anything, and Michel, Your neighbor's tom-cat, would even at times be pleased to jump through a hoop for the king.

Gottlieb That's very true.

Hinze I love You, Gottlieb, very much. You never stroke me the wrong way, You always let me sleep when I feel like it, and You always object when your brothers want to pick me up and carry me into the dark so that they can see the so-called electric sparks for all this I now want to show You my gratitude.

Gottlieb Generous Hinze! Ah, how unjustly do people speak ill of you and deride you when they doubt your true loyalty and devotion! My eyes are being opened; how my knowledge of human nature is increasing, and so unexpectedly!

Fischer Friends, what has happened to the picture of domestic bliss that we were hoping to get?

Leutner Why, this is almost too absurd.

Schlosser I feel as though I'm dreaming.

Hinze You are a good man, Gottlieb; but and please do not be offended  You are somewhat limited and narrow-minded. To speak freely, Yours is not one of the brightest minds.

Gottlieb Alas, no!

Hinze For example, You don't know now what You want to do.

Gottlieb You read my thoughts perfectly.

Hinze If You had a muff made out of my fur

Gottlieb Do not take it amiss, my friend, that this idea just crossed my mind.

Hinze Of course not; it was an altogether human idea. But can't You think of some other way to make ends meet?

Gottlieb Not a single thing!

Hinze You could carry me around and show me off for money but that is never a reliable way of making a living.

Gottlieb No.

Hinze You could perhaps become a nature poet, but You are too well educated for that; You could contribute something to a journal of aesthetics, but, as I said, Yours is not one of the brightest minds, and that sort of work always requires a good head; and then You would still have to wait ages, because afterwards it is no longer taken so seriously, for only the new broom sweeps clean but it's much too complicated.

Gottlieb Yes, indeed.

Hinze Well, I want to take even better care of You. Rest assured, by the time I'm through You'll be very happy You inherited me.

Gottlieb O best of friends, you generous fellow!

He embraces him tenderly.

Hinze But You must also trust me.

Gottlieb Absolutely, now that I know you have an honest heart.

Hinze Well, then, do me a favor and fetch the shoemaker at once so that he can measure me for a pair of boots.

Gottlieb The shoemaker? Boots?

Hinze You are surprised; but what I intend to do for You will involve so much walking and running that a pair of boots will be absolutely indispensable.

Gottlieb But why not shoes?

Hinze Gottlieb, You do not understand; boots will lend me some dignity, an imposing presence in short, a certain manliness that would be unattainable in mere shoes.

Gottlieb Well, you know best but the shoemaker will be surprised.

Hinze Not at all; we just have to act as though there was nothing remarkable about a cat wanting to wear boots; people can get used to anything.

Gottlieb Yes, indeed; why, my conversation with you has actually become quite natural. But another thing: now that we have become such good friends, do please use the familiar form when you speak to me. Why ever would we still want to stand on ceremony with each other? Does not love abolish all differences of social standing?

Hinze As you like.

Gottlieb Why, there's the shoemaker now. Hey! Pst! Leichdorn, my good friend! Will you please step inside for a moment?

The comes in.

Shoemaker Bless you! What's new?

Gottlieb I haven't given you any business for a long time now

Shoemaker No, my good friend. All in all, I have very little to do nowadays.

Gottlieb I should like to have another pair of boots made

Shoemaker Please take a seat, then. I have my measuring tape with me.

Gottlieb The boots are not for me; they're for my young friend here.

Shoemaker For this fellow here? Very well.

Hinze sits on a chair and holds out his right leg.

Shoemaker Now then, what sort of boots would you like, Monsieur?

Hinze In the first place, they must have good soles; then brown flaps; and above all they must be stiff.

Shoemaker Very well.

He takes the measuring tape.

Shoemaker Will you be so kind as to draw in your claws a little I mean nails? I have already scratched myself.

Hinze And they must be finished quickly.

As his leg is being stroked, he begins to purr involuntarily.

Shoemaker Monsieur is very happy.

Gottlieb Yes, he's a cheerful fellow. He has just come from school. He's what they usually call a sly dog.

Shoemaker Well, goodbye.

Exit Shoemaker.

Gottlieb Wouldn't you perhaps like to have your whiskers trimmed too?

Hinze Certainly not! I look so much more respectable as I am. Surely you know that cats become effeminate and contemptible when their whiskers are clipped. A tomcat without whiskers is just a pitiable creature.

Gottlieb If only I knew what you were planning!

Hinze You'll find out soon enough. Now I would like to take a little walk on the roof; there's a fine, clear view up there and there's always a good chance of catching a pigeon too.

Gottlieb As a good friend, I must warn you not to let them catch you at it; people generally take a dim view of such behaviour.

Hinze Don't worry, I'm no novice. In the meantime, I bid you adieu.

Exit Hinze.

Gottlieb alone Natural history tells us that cats cannot be trusted and that they belong to the same family as lions, of which I am pitifully terrified. It is also said proverbially, false like a cat. Now if a cat had no conscience, he could run off with the boots, on which I must now spend my last penny, and flog them somewhere or other for next to nothing; or it's possible that he wants to endear himself to the shoemaker and then enter his service. But he already has a tomcat. No, Hinze, my brothers have betrayed me, so I'll take my chances with you. He spoke so nobly, he was so touched there he is now, sitting up on the roof, cleaning his whiskers  forgive me, my noble friend, for doubting your magnanimity even for a moment.

Exit Gottlieb.

Fischer What nonsense!

Müller What does the cat need those boots for? To be able to walk better? Rubbish!

Schlosser But it was as though there was an actual cat before our very eyes.

Leutner Quiet! The scene is changing.