The Pirates of Penzance/Act 1

Act I

 * A rocky seashore on the coast of Cornwall. In the distance is a calm sea, on which a schooner is lying at anchor. As the curtain rises groups of pirates are discovered some drinking, some playing cards. Samuel, the Pirate Lieutenant, is going from one group to another, filling the cups from a flask. Frederic is seated in a despondent attitude at the back of the scene.


 * All
 * Pour, oh, pour the pirate sherry;
 * Fill, O fill the pirate glass;
 * And, to make us more than merry,
 * Let the pirate bumper pass.


 * Samuel
 * For today our pirate 'prentice
 * Rises from indenture freed;
 * Strong his arm, and keen his scent is
 * He's a pirate now indeed!


 * All
 * Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures!
 * Frederic's out of his indentures.


 * Samuel
 * Two and twenty, now he's rising,
 * And alone he's fit to fly,
 * Which we're bent on signalizing
 * With unusual revelry.


 * All
 * Here's good luck to Frederic's ventures!
 * Frederic's out of his indentures.


 * Pour, oh, pour the pirate sherry;
 * Fill, O fill the pirate glass;
 * And, to make us more than merry,
 * Let the pirate bumper pass.


 * Frederic rises and comes forward with Pirate King, who enters.


 * Pirate King
 * Yes, Frederic, from to-day you rank as a full-blown member of our band.


 * All
 * Hurrah!


 * Frederic
 * My friends, I thank you all, from my heart, for your kindly wishes. Would that I could repay them as they deserve!


 * Pirate King
 * What do you mean?


 * Frederic
 * To-day I am out of my indentures, and to-day I leave you for ever.


 * Pirate King
 * But this is quite unaccountable; a keener hand at scuttling a Cunarder or cutting out a P. & O. never shipped a handspike.


 * Frederic
 * Yes, I have done my best for you. And why? It was my duty under my indentures, and I am the slave of duty. As a child I was regularly apprenticed to your band. It was through an error -- no matter, the mistake was ours, not yours, and I was in honour bound by it.


 * Samuel
 * An error? What error?


 * Frederic
 * I may not tell you; it would reflect upon my well-loved Ruth.


 * Ruth rises and comes forward.


 * Ruth
 * Nay, dear master, my mind has long been gnawed by the cankering tooth of mystery. Better have it out at once.


 * Ruth sings


 * Ruth
 * When Frederic was a little lad he proved so brave and daring,
 * His father thought he'd 'prentice him to some career seafaring.
 * I was, alas! his nurserymaid, and so it fell to my lot
 * To take and bind the promising boy apprentice to a pilot
 * A life not bad for a hardy lad, though surely not a high lot,
 * Though I'm a nurse, you might do worse than make your boy a pilot.


 * I was a stupid nurserymaid, on breakers always steering,
 * And I did not catch the word aright, through being hard of hearing;
 * Mistaking my instructions, which within my brain did gyrate,
 * I took and bound this promising boy apprentice to a pirate.
 * A sad mistake it was to make and doom him to a vile lot.
 * I bound him to a pirate — you — instead of to a pilot.


 * I soon found out, beyond all doubt, the scope of this disaster,
 * But I hadn't the face to return to my place, and break it to my master.
 * A nurserymaid is not afraid of what you people call work,
 * So I made up my mind to go as a kind of piratical maid-of-all-work.
 * And that is how you find me now, a member of your shy lot,
 * Which you wouldn't have found, had he been bound apprentice to a pilot.


 * Ruth
 * Oh, pardon! Frederic, pardon! (kneels)


 * Frederic
 * Rise, sweet one, I have long pardoned you.


 * Ruth (rises)
 * The two words were so much alike!


 * Frederic
 * They were. They still are, though years have rolled over their heads. But this afternoon my obligation ceases. Individually, I love you all with affection unspeakable; but, collectively, I look upon you with a disgust that amounts to absolute detestation. Oh! pity me, my beloved friends, for such is my sense of duty that, once out of my indentures, I shall feel myself bound to devote myself heart and soul to your extermination!


 * All
 * Poor lad, poor lad! (All weep.)


 * Pirate King
 * Well, Frederic, if you conscientiously feel that it is your duty to destroy us, we cannot blame you for acting on that conviction. Always act in accordance with the dictates of your conscience, my boy, and chance the consequences.


 * Samuel
 * Besides, we can offer you but little temptation to remain with us. We don't seem to make piracy pay. I'm sure I don't know why, but we don't.


 * Frederic
 * I know why, but, alas! I mustn't tell you; it wouldn't be right.


 * Pirate King
 * Why not, my boy? It's only half-past eleven, and you are one of us until the clock strikes twelve.


 * Samuel
 * True, and until then you are bound to protect our interests.


 * All
 * Hear, hear!


 * Frederic
 * Well, then, it is my duty, as a pirate, to tell you that you are too tender-hearted. For instance, you make a point of never attacking a weaker party than yourselves, and when you attack a stronger party you invariably get thrashed.


 * Pirate King
 * There is some truth in that.


 * Frederic
 * Then, again, you make a point of never molesting an orphan!


 * Samuel
 * Of course: we are orphans ourselves, and know what it is.


 * Frederic
 * Yes, but it has got about, and what is the consequence? Every one we capture says he's an orphan. The last three ships we took proved to be manned entirely by orphans, and so we had to let them go. One would think that Great Britain's mercantile navy was recruited solely from her orphan asylums — which we know is not the case.


 * Samuel
 * But, hang it all! you wouldn't have us absolutely merciless?


 * Frederic
 * There's my difficulty; until twelve o'clock I would, after twelve I wouldn't. Was ever a man placed in so delicate a situation?


 * Ruth
 * And Ruth, your own Ruth, whom you love so well, and who has won her middle-aged way into your boyish heart, what is to become of her?


 * Pirate King
 * Oh, he will take you with him. (Hands Ruth to Frederic.)


 * Frederic
 * Well, Ruth, I feel some difficulty about you. It is true that I admire you very much, but I have been constantly at sea since I was eight years old, and yours is the only woman's face I have seen during that time. I think it is a sweet face.


 * Ruth
 * It is — oh, it is!


 * Frederic
 * I say I think it is; that is my impression. But as I have never had an opportunity of comparing you with other women, it is just possible I may be mistaken.


 * Pirate King
 * True.


 * Frederic
 * What a terrible thing it would be if I were to marry this innocent person, and then find out that she is, on the whole, plain!


 * Pirate King
 * Oh, Ruth is very well, very well indeed.


 * Samuel
 * Yes, there are the remains of a fine woman about Ruth.


 * Frederic
 * Do you really think so?


 * Samuel
 * I do.


 * Frederic
 * Then I will not be so selfish as to take her from you. In justice to her, and in consideration for you, I will leave her behind. (Hands Ruth to Pirate King)


 * Pirate King
 * No, Frederic, this must not be. We are rough men, who lead a rough life, but we are not so utterly heartless as to deprive thee of thy love. I think I am right in saying that there is not one here who would rob thee of this inestimable treasure for all the world holds dear.


 * All (loudly)
 * Not one!


 * Pirate King
 * No, I thought there wasn't. Keep thy love, Frederic, keep thy love.

(Hands her back to Frederic.)
 * Frederic
 * You're very good, I'm sure.
 * Exit Ruth.


 * Pirate King
 * Well, it's the top of the tide, and we must be off. Farewell, Frederic. When your process of extermination begins, let our deaths be as swift and painless as you can conveniently make them.


 * Frederic
 * I will! By the love I have for you, I swear it! Would that you could render this extermination unnecessary by accompanying me back to civilization!


 * Pirate King
 * No, Frederic, it cannot be. I don't think much of our profession, but, contrasted with respectability, it is comparatively honest. No, Frederic, I shall live and die a Pirate King.


 * Pirate King sings.


 * Pirate King
 * Oh, better far to live and die
 * Under the brave black flag I fly,
 * Than play a sanctimonious part,
 * With a pirate head and a pirate heart.
 * Away to the cheating world go you,
 * Where pirates all are well-to-do;
 * But I'll be true to the song I sing,
 * And live and die a Pirate King.


 * For I am a Pirate King!
 * And it is, it is a glorious thing
 * To be a Pirate King!
 * For I am a Pirate King!


 * All
 * You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King!


 * Pirate King
 * And it is, it is a glorious thing
 * To be a Pirate King.


 * All
 * It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King!


 * Pirate King
 * When I sally forth to seek my prey
 * I help myself in a royal way.
 * I sink a few more ships, it's true,
 * Than a well-bred monarch ought to do;
 * But many a king on a first-class throne,
 * If he wants to call his crown his own,
 * Must manage somehow to get through
 * More dirty work than ever I do,


 * For I am a Pirate King!
 * And it is, it is a glorious thing
 * To be a Pirate King!
 * For I am a Pirate King!


 * All
 * You are! Hurrah for the Pirate King!


 * Pirate King
 * And it is, it is a glorious thing
 * To be a Pirate King.


 * All
 * It is! Hurrah for the Pirate King!


 * Exeunt all except Frederic. Enter Ruth.


 * Ruth
 * Oh, take me with you! I cannot live if I am left behind.


 * Frederic
 * Ruth, I will be quite candid with you. You are very dear to me, as you know, but I must be circumspect. You see, you are considerably older than I. A lad of twenty-one usually looks for a wife of seventeen.


 * Ruth
 * A wife of seventeen! You will find me a wife of a thousand!


 * Frederic
 * No, but I shall find you a wife of forty-seven, and that is quite enough. Ruth, tell me candidly and without reserve: compared with other women — how are you?


 * Ruth
 * I will answer you truthfully, master — I have a slight cold, but otherwise I am quite well.


 * Frederic
 * I am sorry for your cold, but I was referring rather to your personal appearance. Compared with other women, are you beautiful?


 * Ruth
 * (bashfully) I have been told so, dear master.


 * Frederic
 * Ah, but lately?


 * Ruth
 * Oh, no; years and years ago.


 * Frederic
 * What do you think of yourself?


 * Ruth
 * It is a delicate question to answer, but I think I am a fine woman.


 * Frederic
 * That is your candid opinion?


 * Ruth
 * Yes, I should be deceiving you if I told you otherwise.


 * Frederic
 * Thank you, Ruth. I believe you, for I am sure you would not practice on my inexperience. I wish to do the right thing, and if — I say if — you are really a fine woman, your age shall be no obstacle to our union! (Chorus of Girls heard in the distance) Hark! Surely I hear voices! Who has ventured to approach our all but inaccessible lair? Can it be Custom House? No, it does not sound like Custom House.


 * Ruth
 * (aside) Confusion! it is the voices of young girls! If he should see them I am lost.


 * Frederic
 * (looking off) By all that's marvellous, a bevy of beautiful maidens!


 * Ruth
 * (aside) Lost! lost! lost!


 * Frederic
 * How lovely, how surpassingly lovely is the plainest of them! What grace — what delicacy — what refinement! And Ruth — Ruth told me she was beautiful!


 * Recitative.


 * Frederic
 * Oh, false one, you have deceived me!


 * Ruth
 * I have deceived you?


 * Frederic
 * Yes, deceived me! (Denouncing her)


 * Duet — Frederic and Ruth.


 * Frederic
 * You told me you were fair as gold!


 * Ruth
 * (wildly) And, master, am I not so?


 * Frederic
 * And now I see you're plain and old.


 * Ruth
 * I'm sure I'm not a jot so.


 * Frederic
 * Upon my innocence you play.


 * Ruth
 * I'm not the one to plot so.


 * Frederic
 * Your face is lined, your hair is grey.


 * Ruth
 * It's gradually got so.


 * Frederic
 * Faithless woman, to deceive me,
 * I who trusted so!


 * Ruth
 * Master, master, do not leave me!
 * Hear me, ere you go!
 * My love without reflecting,
 * Oh, do not be rejecting!
 * Take a maiden tender — her affection raw and green,
 * At very highest rating,
 * Has been accumulating
 * Summers seventeen — summers seventeen.


 * Ensemble


 * At the end he renounces her, and she goes off in despair.


 * Recitative — Frederic.


 * What shall I do? Before these gentle maidens
 * I dare not show in this alarming costume!
 * No, no, I must remain in close concealment
 * Until I can appear in decent clothing!


 * Hides in cave as they enter climbing over the rocks.


 * Girls
 * Climbing over rocky mountain,
 * Skipping rivulet and fountain,
 * Passing where the willows quiver
 * By the ever-rolling river,
 * Swollen with the summer rain;
 * Threading long and leafy mazes
 * Dotted with unnumbered daisies,
 * Scaling rough and rugged passes,
 * Climb the hardy little lasses,
 * Till the bright sea-shore they gain!


 * Edith
 * Let us gaily tread the measure,
 * Make the most of fleeting leisure,
 * Hail it as a true ally,
 * Though it perish by-and-by.


 * Girls
 * Hail it as a true ally,
 * Though it perish by-and-by.


 * Edith
 * Every moment brings a treasure
 * Of its own especial pleasure;
 * Though the moments quickly die,
 * Greet them gaily as they fly.


 * Kate
 * Far away from toil and care,
 * Revelling in fresh sea-air,
 * Here we live and reign alone
 * In a world that's all our own.
 * Here, in this our rocky den,
 * Far away from mortal men,
 * We'll be queens, and make decrees —
 * They may honour them who please.


 * All
 * Let us gaily tread the measure, etc.


 * Kate
 * What a picturesque spot! I wonder where we are!


 * Edith
 * And I wonder where Papa is. We have left him ever so far behind.


 * Isabel
 * Oh, he will be here presently! Remember poor Papa is not as young as we are, and we came over a rather difficult country.


 * Kate
 * But how thoroughly delightful it is to be so entirely alone! Why, in all probability we are the first human beings who ever set foot on this enchanting spot.


 * Isabel
 * Except the mermaids — it's the very place for mermaids.


 * Kate
 * Who are only human beings down to the waist!


 * Edith
 * And who can't be said strictly to set foot anywhere. Tails they may, but

feet they cannot.
 * Kate
 * But what shall we do until Papa and the servants arrive with the luncheon?


 * Edith
 * We are quite alone, and the sea is as smooth as glass. Suppose we take off our shoes and stockings and paddle?


 * All
 * Yes, yes! The very thing!


 * They prepare to carry, out the suggestion. They have all taken off one shoe, when Frederic comes forward from cave.


 * Frederic
 * (recitative) Stop, ladies, pray!


 * Girls
 * (Hopping on one foot) A man!


 * Frederic
 * I had intended
 * Not to intrude myself upon your notice
 * In this effective but alarming costume;
 * But under these peculiar circumstances,
 * It is my bounden duty to inform you
 * That your proceedings will not be unwitnessed!


 * Edith
 * But who are you, sir? Speak! (All hopping)


 * Frederic
 * I am a pirate!


 * Girls
 * (recoiling, hopping) A pirate! Horror!


 * Frederic
 * Ladies, do not shun me!
 * This evening I renounce my vile profession;
 * And, to that end, O pure and peerless maidens!
 * Oh, blushing buds of ever-blooming beauty!
 * I, sore at heart, implore your kind assistance.


 * Edith
 * How pitiful his tale!


 * Kate
 * How rare his beauty!


 * Girls
 * How pitiful his tale! How rare his beauty!


 * Song — Frederic.


 * Frederic
 * Oh, is there not one maiden breast
 * Which does not feel the moral beauty
 * Of making worldly interest
 * Subordinate to sense of duty?
 * Who would not give up willingly
 * All matrimonial ambition,
 * To rescue such a one as I
 * From his unfortunate position?


 * Girls
 * Alas! there's not one maiden breast
 * Which seems to feel the moral beauty
 * Of making worldly interest
 * Subordinate to sense of duty!


 * Frederic
 * Oh, is there not one maiden here
 * Whose homely face and bad compl—exion
 * Have caused all hope to disappear
 * Of ever winning man's affection?
 * To such an one, if such there be,
 * I swear by Heaven's arch above you,
 * If you will cast your eyes on me,
 * However plain you be — I'll love you!


 * Girls
 * Alas! there's not one maiden here
 * Whose homely face and bad complexion
 * Have caused all hope to disappear
 * Of ever winning man's affection!


 * Frederic
 * (in despair) Not one?


 * Girls
 * No, no — not one!


 * Frederic
 * Not one?


 * Girls
 * No, no!


 * Mabel enters.


 * Mabel
 * Yes, one!


 * Girls
 * 'Tis Mabel!


 * Mabel
 * Yes, 'tis Mabel!


 * Recitative — Mabel.


 * Oh, sisters, deaf to pity's name,
 * For shame!
 * It's true that he has gone astray,
 * But pray
 * Is that a reason good and true
 * Why you
 * Should all be deaf to pity's name?


 * Girls
 * (aside) The question is, had he not been
 * A thing of beauty,
 * Would she be swayed by quite as keen
 * A sense of duty?


 * Mabel
 * For shame, for shame, for shame!


 * Song — Mabel.


 * Mabel
 * Poor wandering one!
 * Though thou hast surely strayed,
 * Take heart of grace,
 * Thy steps retrace,
 * Poor wandering one!
 * Poor wandering one!
 * If such poor love as mine
 * Can help thee find
 * True peace of mind —
 * Why, take it, it is thine!
 * Take heart, fair days will shine;
 * Take any heart — take mine!


 * Girls
 * Take heart; no danger lowers;
 * Take any heart — but ours!


 * Exeunt Mabel and Frederic. Edith beckons her sisters, who form a semicircle around her.


 * Edith
 * What ought we to do,
 * Gentle sisters, say?
 * Propriety, we know,
 * Says we ought to stay;
 * While sympathy exclaims,
 * "Free them from your tether —
 * Play at other games —
 * Leave them here together."


 * Kate
 * Her case may, any day,
 * Be yours, my dear, or mine.
 * Let her make her hay
 * While the sun doth shine.
 * Let us compromise
 * (Our hearts are not of leather):
 * Let us shut our eyes,
 * And talk about the weather.


 * Girls
 * Yes, yes, let's talk about the weather.


 * Chattering chorus.


 * How beautifully blue the sky,
 * The glass is rising very high,
 * Continue fine I hope it may,
 * And yet it rained but yesterday.
 * Tomorrow it may pour again
 * (I hear the country wants some rain),
 * Yet people say, I know not why,
 * That we shall have a warm July.


 * Enter Mabel and Frederic.


 * During Mabel's solo the Girls continue chatter pianissimo, but listening eagerly all the time.


 * Solo — Mabel.


 * Did ever maiden wake
 * From dream of homely duty,
 * To find her daylight break
 * With such exceeding beauty?
 * Did ever maiden close
 * Her eyes on waking sadness,
 * To dream of such exceeding gladness?


 * Frederic
 * Ah, yes! ah, yes! this is exceeding gladness!


 * Girls
 * How beautifully blue the sky, etc.


 * Solo — Frederic.


 * During this, Girls continue their chatter pianissimo as before, but listening intently all the time.


 * Did ever pirate roll
 * His soul in guilty dreaming,
 * And wake to find that soul
 * With peace and virtue beaming?


 * Ensemble


 * Recitative — Frederic.


 * Stay, we must not lose our senses;
 * Men who stick at no offences
 * Will anon be here!
 * Piracy their dreadful trade is;
 * Pray you, get you hence, young ladies,
 * While the coast is clear!


 * Frederic and Mabel retire.


 * Girls
 * No, we must not lose our senses,
 * If they stick at no offences
 * We should not be here!
 * Piracy their dreadful trade is —
 * Nice companions for young ladies!
 * Let us disappear.


 * During this chorus the Pirates have entered stealthily, and formed in a semicircle behind the Girls. As the Girls move to go off, each Pirate seizes a Girl. Pirate King seizes Edith and Isabel, Samuel seizes Kate.


 * Girls
 * Too late!


 * Pirates
 * Ha, ha!


 * Girls
 * Too late!


 * Pirates
 * Ho, ho!
 * Ha, ha, ha, ha! Ho,ho, ho, ho!


 * Ensemble.


 * Pirates pass in front of Girls. Girls pass in front of Pirates.


 * All
 * By a doctor of divinity
 * Who resides in this vicinity,
 * By a doctor, a doctor, a doctor,
 * Of divinity, of divinity.


 * Recitative — Mabel (coming forward)


 * Hold, monsters! Ere your pirate caravanserai
 * Proceed, against our will, to wed us all,
 * Just bear in mind that we are Wards in Chancery,
 * And father is a Major-General!


 * Samuel (cowed)
 * We'd better pause, or danger may befall,
 * Their father is a Major-General.


 * Girls
 * Yes, yes; he is a Major-General!


 * The Major-General has entered unnoticed, on rock.


 * Major-General
 * Yes, yes, I am a Major-General!


 * Samuel
 * For he is a Major-General!


 * All
 * He is! Hurrah for the Major-General!


 * Major-General
 * And it is, it is a glorious thing
 * To be a Major-General!


 * All
 * It is! Hurrah for the Major-General!


 * Song — Major-General.


 * Major-General
 * I am the very model of a modern Major-General,
 * I've information vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * I know the kings of England, and I quote the fights historical
 * From Marathon to Waterloo, in order categorical;
 * I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical,
 * I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical,
 * About binomial theorem I'm teeming with a lot o' news —
 * With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse.


 * All
 * With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
 * With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse,
 * With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypote-pote-nuse!


 * Major-General
 * I'm very good at integral and differential calculus;
 * I know the scientific names of beings animalculous:
 * In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * All
 * In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * He is the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * Major-General
 * I know our mythic history, King Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's;
 * I answer hard acrostics, I've a pretty taste for paradox,
 * I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus,
 * In conics I can floor peculiarities parabolous;
 * I can tell undoubted Raphaels from Gerard Dows and Zoffanies,
 * I know the croaking chorus from the Frogs of Aristophanes!
 * Then I can hum a fugue of which I've heard the music's din afore,
 * And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore.


 * All
 * And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore,
 * And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pinafore,
 * And whistle all the airs from that infernal nonsense Pina-pinafore!


 * Major-General
 * Then I can write a washing bill in Babylonic cuneiform,
 * And tell you every detail of Caractacus's uniform:
 * In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * All
 * In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * He is the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * Major-General
 * In fact, when I know what is meant by "mamelon" and "ravelin",
 * When I can tell at sight a Mauser rifle from a javelin,
 * When such affairs as sorties and surprises I'm more wary at,
 * And when I know precisely what is meant by "commissariat",
 * When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery,
 * When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery;
 * In short, when I've a smattering of elemental strategy,
 * You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee.


 * All
 * You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee,
 * You'll say a better Major-General has never sat a gee,
 * You'll say a better Major-General has never sat-a-sat-a-gee!


 * Major-General
 * For my military knowledge, though I'm plucky and adventury,
 * Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century;
 * But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * I am the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * All
 * But still, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral,
 * He is the very model of a modern Major-General.


 * Major-General
 * And now that I've introduced myself, I should like to have some idea of what's going on.


 * Kate
 * Oh, Papa — we —


 * Samuel
 * Permit me, I'll explain in two words: we propose to marry your daughters.


 * Major-General
 * Dear me!


 * Girls
 * Against our wills, Papa — against our wills!


 * Major-General
 * Oh, but you mustn't do that! May I ask — this is a picturesque uniform, but I'm not familiar with it. What are you?


 * Pirate King
 * We are all single gentlemen.


 * Major-General
 * Yes, I gathered that — Anything else?


 * Pirate King
 * No, nothing else.


 * Edith
 * Papa, don't believe them; they are pirates — the famous Pirates of Penzance!


 * Major-General
 * The Pirates of Penzance! I have often heard of them.


 * Mabel
 * All except this gentleman — (indicating Frederic) — who was a pirate once, but who is out of his indentures to day, and who means to lead a blameless life evermore.


 * Major-General
 * But wait a bit. I object to pirates as sons-in-law.


 * Pirate King
 * We object to Major-Generals as fathers-in-law. But we waive that point. We do not press it. We look over it.


 * Major-General
 * (aside) Hah! an idea! (aloud) And do you mean to say that you would deliberately rob me of these, the sole remaining props of my old age, and leave me to go through the remainder of my life unfriended, unprotected, and alone?


 * Pirate King
 * Well, yes, that's the idea.


 * Major-General
 * Tell me, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?


 * Pirates (disgusted)
 * Oh, dash it all!


 * Pirate King
 * Here we are again!


 * Major-General
 * I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?


 * Pirate King
 * Often!


 * Major-General
 * Yes, orphan. Have you ever known what it is to be one?


 * Pirate King
 * I say, often.


 * All (disgusted)
 * Often, often, often. (Turning away)


 * Major-General
 * I don't think we quite understand one another. I ask you, have you ever known what it is to be an orphan, and you say "orphan". As I understand you, you are merely repeating the word "orphan" to show that you understand me.


 * Pirate King
 * I didn't repeat the word often.


 * Major-General
 * Pardon me, you did indeed.


 * Pirate King
 * I only repeated it once.


 * Major-General
 * True, but you repeated it.


 * Pirate King
 * But not often.


 * Major-General
 * Stop! I think I see where we are getting confused. When you said "orphan", did you mean "orphan" — a person who has lost his parents, or "often", frequently?


 * Pirate King
 * Ah! I beg pardon — I see what you mean — frequently.


 * Major-General
 * Ah! you said "often", frequently.


 * Pirate King
 * No, only once.


 * Major-General
 * (irritated) Exactly — you said "often", frequently, only once.

Act I Finale

 * Major-General
 * Oh, men of dark and dismal fate,
 * Forgot your cruel employ,
 * Have pity on my lonely state,
 * I am an orphan boy!


 * Pirate King and Samuel
 * An orphan boy?


 * Major-General
 * An orphan boy!


 * Pirates
 * How sad, an orphan boy.


 * Major-General
 * These children whom you see
 * Are all that I can call my own!


 * Pirates
 * Poor fellow!


 * Major-General
 * Take them away from me,
 * And I shall be indeed alone.

Poor fellow!
 * Pirates
 * Major-General
 * If pity you can feel,
 * Leave me my sole remaining joy —
 * See, at your feet they kneel;
 * Your hearts you cannot steel
 * Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!


 * Pirates
 * (sobbing) Poor fellow!
 * See at our feet they kneel;
 * Our hearts we cannot steel
 * Against the sad, sad tale of the lonely orphan boy!


 * Pirate King and Samuel
 * The orphan boy!
 * See at our feet they kneel, etc.


 * Ensemble


 * Pirate King
 * Although our dark career
 * Sometimes involves the crime of stealing,
 * We rather think that we're
 * Not altogether void of feeling.
 * Although we live by strife,
 * We're always sorry to begin it,
 * For what, we ask, is life
 * Without a touch of Poetry in it?


 * All (kneeling)
 * Hail, Poetry, thou heav'n-born maid!
 * Thou gildest e'en the pirate's trade.
 * Hail, flowing fount of sentiment!
 * All hail, divine emollient! (All rise.)


 * Pirate King
 * You may go, for you're at liberty, our pirate rules protect you,
 * And honorary members of our band we do elect you!


 * Samuel
 * For he is an orphan boy!


 * Chorus
 * He is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!


 * Major-General
 * And it sometimes is a useful thing
 * To be an orphan boy.


 * All
 * It is! Hurrah for the orphan boy!


 * Ensemble
 * Oh, happy day, with joyous glee
 * We/They will away and married be!
 * Should it befall auspiciously,
 * Her/Our sisters all will bridesmaids be!


 * Ruth enters and comes down to Frederic.


 * Ruth
 * Oh, master, hear one word, I do implore you!
 * Remember Ruth, your Ruth, who kneels before you!


 * Pirates
 * Yes, yes, remember Ruth, who kneels before you!


 * Frederic
 * Away, you did deceive me!


 * Pirates (Threatening Ruth)
 * Away, you did deceive him!


 * Ruth
 * Oh, do not leave me!


 * Pirates
 * Oh, do not leave her!


 * Frederic
 * Away, you grieve me!


 * Pirates
 * Away, you grieve him!


 * Frederic
 * I wish you'd leave me! (Frederic casts Ruth from him.)


 * Pirates
 * We wish you'd leave him!

ENSEMBLE.

Pray observe the magnanimity
 * They/We display to lace and dimity!
 * Never was such opportunity
 * To get married with impunity,
 * But they/we give up the felicity
 * Of unbounded domesticity,
 * Though a doctor of divinity
 * Is located in this vicinity


 * Girls and Major-General go up rocks, while Pirates indulge in a wild dance of delight on stage. The Major-General produces a British flag, and the Pirate King, produces a black flag with skull and crossbones. Enter Ruth, who makes a final appeal to Frederic, who casts her from him.