The Oozlum Bird

It was on the Diamantina Where the alligators grow, And the natives' allegations Ain't particularly slow. He was old and he was ugly, He was dirty, he was low; He could lie like Ananias, And they called him “Ginger Joe.”

He was wood-and-water joey At the “Jackeroo's Retreat,” Where the swagmen and the shearers And the bound'ry riders meet; And he'd pitch 'em lots of “fairies,” But the best I ever heard Was McPherson's trip to Sydney On the famous Oozlum Bird!

“You can talk about yer racehorse And the pace as he can go, But it just amounts to crawlin', Nothink else!” said Ginger Joe. “And these cycle blokes with pacers, You can take my bloomin' word, They're a funeral procession To the blinded Oozlum Bird!

“Do yez know Marengo station? It's away beyond the Peak, Over sixty miles from Birdsville As you go to Cooper's Creek, Which the blacks call Kallokoopah, And they tell you that Lake Eyre Was one time an inland ocean. Well, the Oozlum Bird is there!

“Bet yer boots it ain't no chicken, It's as big and wide across As the bird what beats the steamships, What's it called? The albatross! That's the bird! And old King Mulga Used to tell the boys and me They were there when Central 'Stralia Was a roarin' inland sea!

“I was cook at old Marengo When McTavish had the run, And his missus died and left him With a boy — the only one. Jock McPherson was his nephew, Lately came from Scotland, too, Been sent out to get “experience” As a kind of Jackeroo!

“Well, this kid of old McTavish Was a daisy. Strike me blue! There was nothing, that was mischief, That the kiddy would n't do! But he was a kindly kinchen And a reg'lar little brick, And we all felt mighty sorry When we heard that he was sick!

But, McTavish! Well, I reckon I am something on the swear, But I never heard sich language As McTavish uttered there; For he cursed the blessed country, And the cattle and the sheep, And the station-hands and shearers Till yer blinded flesh would creep!

“It was something like a fever That the little bloke had got, And McTavish he remembered (When he'd cursed and swore a lot), That a chemist down in Sydney Had a special kind of stuff Which would cure the kiddy's fever In a jiffy, right enough!

“So he sends me into Birdsville On the fastest horse we had, And I has to wire to Sydney For the medsin for the lad. They would send it by the railway, And by special pack from Bourke; It would take a week to do it  And be mighty slippery work.

“Well, I gallops into Birdsville And I sends the wire all right; And I looks around the township, Meanin' stopping for the night. I was waitin' in the bar-room — This same bar-room — for a drink When a wire comes from McPherson, And from Sydney! Strike me pink!

“I had left him at Marengo On the morning of that day! He was talking to McTavish At the time I came away! And yet here's a wire from Sydney! And it says: ‘Got here all right. Got the medsin. Am just leaving. Will be home again to-night!'

“Well, I thought I had the jim-jams, Yes, I did; for, spare me days! How in thunder had McPherson Got to Sydney, anyways? But he'd got there, that was certain, For the wire was plain and clear. I could never guess conundrums, So I had another beer.

“In the morning, bright and early, I was out and saddled up, And away to break the record Of old Carbine for the Cup. And I made that cuddy gallop As he'd never done before; And, so-help-me-bob, McPherson Was there waiting at the door!

“And the kid was right as ninepence, Sleepin' peaceful in his bunk, And McTavish that delighted He'd made everybody drunk! And McPherson says: ‘Well, Ginger, You did pretty well, I heard; But you must admit you're beaten, Joe — I rode the Oozlum Bird!'

“Said he'd often studied science Long before he'd came out here, And he'd struck a sort of notion, Which you'll think is mighty queer — That the earth rolls round to eastward And that birds, by rising high, Might just stop and travel westward, While the earth was rolling by!

“So he saddled up the Oozlum, Rose some miles above the plain, Let the Earth turn underneath him Till he spotted the Domain! Then came down, and walked up George-street, Got the stuff and wired to me; Rose again and reached Marengo Just as easy as could be!

“ ‘But,' says I, ‘if you went westward Just as simple as you say, How did you get back?' He answered: ‘Oh, I came the other way!' So in six-and-twenty hours, Take the yarn for what it's worth, Jock McPherson and the Oozlum Had been all around the earth!

“It's a curious bird, the Oozlum, And a bird that's mighty wise, For it always flies tail-first to  Keep the dust out of its eyes! And I heard that since McPherson Did that famous record ride, They won't let a man get near 'em, Couldn't catch one if you tried!

“If you don't believe the story, And some people don't, yer know; Why the blinded map'll prove it, Strike me fat!” said Ginger Joe. “Look along the Queensland border, On the South Australian side, There's this township! christened Birdsville, 'Cause of Jock McPherson's ride!