The History of the Adventures of Joseph Andrews and his Friend, Mr. Abraham Abrams/Book IV, Chapter X

CHAPTER X.

_The history of two friends, which may afford an useful lesson to all

those persons who happen to take up their residence in married

families._

"Leonard and Paul were two friends."--"Pronounce it Lennard, child,"

cried the parson.--"Pray, Mr Adams," says Lady Booby, "let your son read

without interruption." Dick then proceeded. "Lennard and Paul were two

friends, who, having been educated together at the same school,

commenced a friendship which they preserved a long time for each other.

It was so deeply fixed in both their minds, that a long absence, during

which they had maintained no correspondence, did not eradicate nor

lessen it: but it revived in all its force at their first meeting, which

was not till after fifteen years' absence, most of which time Lennard

had spent in the East Indi-es."--"Pronounce it short, Indies," says

Adams.--"Pray? sir, be quiet," says the lady.--The boy repeated--"in the

East Indies, whilst Paul had served his king and country in the army. In

which different services they had found such different success, that

Lennard was now married, and retired with a fortune of thirty thousand

pounds; and Paul was arrived to the degree of a lieutenant of foot; and

was not worth a single shilling.

"The regiment in which Paul was stationed happened to be ordered into

quarters within a small distance from the estate which Lennard had

purchased, and where he was settled. This latter, who was now become a

country gentleman, and a justice of peace, came to attend the quarter

sessions in the town where his old friend was quartered, soon after his

arrival. Some affair in which a soldier was concerned occasioned Paul to

attend the justices. Manhood, and time, and the change of climate had so

much altered Lennard, that Paul did not immediately recollect the

features of his old acquaintance: but it was otherwise with Lennard. He

knew Paul the moment he saw him; nor could he contain himself from

quitting the bench, and running hastily to embrace him. Paul stood at

first a little surprized; but had soon sufficient information from his

friend, whom he no sooner remembered than he returned his embrace with a

passion which made many of the spectators laugh, and gave to some few a

much higher and more agreeable sensation.

"Not to detain the reader with minute circumstances, Lennard insisted on

his friend's returning with him to his house that evening; which request

was complied with, and leave for a month's absence for Paul obtained of

the commanding officer.

"If it was possible for any circumstance to give any addition to the

happiness which Paul proposed in this visit, he received that additional

pleasure by finding, on his arrival at his friend's house, that his lady

was an old acquaintance which he had formerly contracted at his

quarters, and who had always appeared to be of a most agreeable temper;

a character she had ever maintained among her intimates, being of that

number, every individual of which is called quite the best sort of woman

in the world.

"But, good as this lady was, she was still a woman; that is to say, an

angel, and not an angel."--"You must mistake, child," cries the parson,

"for you read nonsense."--"It is so in the book," answered the son. Mr

Adams was then silenced by authority, and Dick proceeded--"For though

her person was of that kind to which men attribute the name of angel,

yet in her mind she was perfectly woman. Of which a great degree of

obstinacy gave the most remarkable and perhaps most pernicious instance.

"A day or two passed after Paul's arrival before any instances of this

appeared; but it was impossible to conceal it long. Both she and her

husband soon lost all apprehension from their friend's presence, and

fell to their disputes with as much vigour as ever. These were still

pursued with the utmost ardour and eagerness, however trifling the

causes were whence they first arose. Nay, however incredible it may

seem, the little consequence of the matter in debate was frequently

given as a reason for the fierceness of the contention, as thus: 'If you

loved me, sure you would never dispute with me such a trifle as this.'

The answer to which is very obvious; for the argument would hold equally

on both sides, and was constantly retorted with some addition, as--'I am

sure I have much more reason to say so, who am in the right.' During all

these disputes, Paul always kept strict silence, and preserved an even

countenance, without showing the least visible inclination to either

party. One day, however, when madam had left the room in a violent fury,

Lennard could not refrain from referring his cause to his friend. Was

ever anything so unreasonable, says he, as this woman? What shall I do

with her? I doat on her to distraction; nor have I any cause to complain

of, more than this obstinacy in her temper; whatever she asserts, she

will maintain against all the reason and conviction in the world. Pray

give me your advice.--First, says Paul, I will give my opinion, which

is, flatly, that you are in the wrong; for, supposing she is in the

wrong, was the subject of your contention any ways material? What

signified it whether you was married in a red or a yellow waistcoat? for

that was your dispute. Now, suppose she was mistaken; as you love her

you say so tenderly, and I believe she deserves it, would it not have

been wiser to have yielded, though you certainly knew yourself in the

right, than to give either her or yourself any uneasiness. For my own

part, if ever I marry, I am resolved to enter into an agreement with my

wife, that in all disputes (especially about trifles) that party who is

most convinced they are right shall always surrender the victory; by

which means we shall both be forward to give up the cause. I own, said

Lennard, my dear friend, shaking him by the hand, there is great truth

and reason in what you say; and I will for the future endeavour to

follow your advice. They soon after broke up the conversation, and

Lennard, going to his wife, asked her pardon, and told her his friend

had convinced him he had been in the wrong. She immediately began a vast

encomium on Paul, in which he seconded her, and both agreed he was the

worthiest and wisest man upon earth. When next they met, which was at

supper, though she had promised not to mention what her husband told

her, she could not forbear casting the kindest and most affectionate

looks on Paul, and asked him, with the sweetest voice, whether she

should help him to some potted woodcock? Potted partridge, my dear, you

mean, says the husband. My dear, says she, I ask your friend if he will

eat any potted woodcock; and I am sure I must know, who potted it. I

think I should know too, who shot them, replied the husband, and I am

convinced that I have not seen a woodcock this year; however, though I

know I am in the right, I submit, and the potted partridge is potted

woodcock if you desire to have it so. It is equal to me, says she,

whether it is one or the other; but you would persuade one out of one's

senses; to be sure, you are always in the right in your own opinion; but

your friend, I believe, knows which he is eating. Paul answered nothing,

and the dispute continued, as usual, the greatest part of the evening.

The next morning the lady, accidentally meeting Paul, and being

convinced he was her friend, and of her side, accosted him thus:--I am

certain, sir, you have long since wondered at the unreasonableness of my

husband. He is indeed, in other respects, a good sort of man, but so

positive, that no woman but one of my complying temper could possibly

live with him. Why, last night, now, was ever any creature so

unreasonable? I am certain you must condemn him. Pray, answer me, was he

not in the wrong? Paul, after a short silence, spoke as follows: I am

sorry, madam, that, as good manners obliges me to answer against my

will, so an adherence to truth forces me to declare myself of a

different opinion. To be plain and honest, you was entirely in the

wrong; the cause I own not worth disputing, but the bird was undoubtedly

a partridge. O sir! replyed the lady, I cannot possibly help your taste.

Madam, returned Paul, that is very little material; for, had it been

otherwise, a husband might have expected submission.--Indeed! sir, says

she, I assure you!--Yes, madam, cryed he, he might, from a person of

your excellent understanding; and pardon me for saying, such a

condescension would have shown a superiority of sense even to your

husband himself.--But, dear sir, said she, why should I submit when I am

in the right?--For that very reason, answered he; it would be the

greatest instance of affection imaginable; for can anything be a greater

object of our compassion than a person we love in the wrong? Ay, but I

should endeavour, said she, to set him right. Pardon me, madam, answered

Paul: I will apply to your own experience if you ever found your

arguments had that effect. The more our judgments err, the less we are

willing to own it: for my own part, I have always observed the persons

who maintain the worst side in any contest are the warmest. Why, says

she, I must confess there is truth in what you say, and I will endeavour

to practise it. The husband then coming in, Paul departed. And Leonard,

approaching his wife with an air of good humour, told her he was sorry

for their foolish dispute the last night; but he was now convinced of

his error. She answered, smiling, she believed she owed his

condescension to his complacence; that she was ashamed to think a word

had passed on so silly an occasion, especially as she was satisfyed she

had been mistaken. A little contention followed, but with the utmost

good-will to each other, and was concluded by her asserting that Paul

had thoroughly convinced her she had been in the wrong. Upon which they

both united in the praises of their common friend.

"Paul now passed his time with great satisfaction, these disputes being

much less frequent, as well as shorter than usual; but the devil, or

some unlucky accident in which perhaps the devil had no hand, shortly

put an end to his happiness. He was now eternally the private referee of

every difference; in which, after having perfectly, as he thought,

established the doctrine of submission, he never scrupled to assure both

privately that they were in the right in every argument, as before he

had followed the contrary method. One day a violent litigation happened

in his absence, and both parties agreed to refer it to his decision. The

husband professing himself sure the decision would be in his favour; the

wife answered, he might be mistaken; for she believed his friend was

convinced how seldom she was to blame; and that if he knew all--The

husband replied, My dear, I have no desire of any retrospect; but I

believe, if you knew all too, you would not imagine my friend so

entirely on your side. Nay, says she, since you provoke me, I will

mention one instance. You may remember our dispute about sending Jackey

to school in cold weather, which point I gave up to you from mere

compassion, knowing myself to be in the right; and Paul himself told me

afterwards he thought me so. My dear, replied the husband, I will not

scruple your veracity; but I assure you solemnly, on my applying to him,

he gave it absolutely on my side, and said he would have acted in the

same manner. They then proceeded to produce numberless other instances,

in all which Paul had, on vows of secresy, given his opinion on both

sides. In the conclusion, both believing each other, they fell severely

on the treachery of Paul, and agreed that he had been the occasion of

almost every dispute which had fallen out between them. They then became

extremely loving, and so full of condescension on both sides, that they

vyed with each other in censuring their own conduct, and jointly vented

their indignation on Paul, whom the wife, fearing a bloody consequence,

earnestly entreated her husband to suffer quietly to depart the next

day, which was the time fixed for his return to quarters, and then drop

his acquaintance.

"However ungenerous this behaviour in Lennard may be esteemed, his wife

obtained a promise from him (though with difficulty) to follow her

advice; but they both expressed such unusual coldness that day to Paul,

that he, who was quick of apprehension, taking Lennard aside, pressed

him so home, that he at last discovered the secret. Paul acknowledged

the truth, but told him the design with which he had done it.--To which

the other answered, he would have acted more friendly to have let him

into the whole design; for that he might have assured himself of his

secresy. Paul replyed, with some indignation, he had given him a

sufficient proof how capable he was of concealing a secret from his

wife. Lennard returned with some warmth--he had more reason to upbraid

him, for that he had caused most of the quarrels between them by his

strange conduct, and might (if they had not discovered the affair to

each other) have been the occasion of their separation. Paul then

said"--But something now happened which put a stop to Dick's reading,

and of which we shall treat in the next chapter.