The Confessions of Saint Augustine (Outler)/Book I/Chapter IX


 * Concerning the hatred of lessons, the love of play, and the fear of being whipped, noticeable in boys; and concerning the inconsistencies of their parents and masters.

O God my God, what miseries and derision did I now experience, when obedience to my teachers was imposed upon me, as is proper in a boy, in order that in this world I might get on and excel in oratorical arts, which should serve to the "praise of men," and to deceitful riches. Next I was put to school to learn lessons, in which I (poor wretch) knew not what use there was; and yet, if idle in learning, I was flogged. For this method was commended by our forefathers; and many, passing the same course before us, framed for us weary paths, through which we were compelled to pass; multiplying toil and grief upon the sons of Adam. But, Lord, we found men that called upon Thee, and we learnt from them to think of Thee as well as we could, as of some great One, who, though hidden from our senses, couldst hear and help us. For, as a boy, I began to pray to Thee, my aid and refuge; and broke the fetters of my tongue to call on Thee, and I used to ask Thee, though small, yet with no small earnestness, that I might not be flogged at school. And when "Thou didst not hear me, though not to my folly" (Ps. xxii. 2, Vulg.), my elders, yea, my very parents, who yet wished me no ill, laughed at my stripes, my then great and grievous ill.

Is there, Lord, any of courage so great, and cleaving to Thee with so intense affection (for a sort of doggedness will in a way do it); is there any one, I ask, who, from a cleaving devoutly to Thee, is endued with so great a courage, that he can think as lightly of the racks and hooks and other tortures (to be delivered from which, throughout all lands, men call on Thee with extreme dread), laughing at those by whom they are feared most bitterly, as our parents used to laugh at the tortures we suffered as boys from our masters? For we feared them no less; nor prayed we less to Thee to escape them. And yet we used to sin by not writing or reading or minding our lessons as was demanded of us. For we wanted not, O Lord, for memory or capacity, whereof Thy will gave enough for our age; but our sole delight was play; and for this we were punished by those who yet themselves were doing the like. But the trifling occupations of older people are called "business"; but those of boys, being really the same, are punished by those elders; and none commiserates either boys or men. For will any of sound judgment approve of my being beaten as a boy, because, by playing at ball, I made less progress in studies, which I was to learn, only that, as a man, I might play more odiously? and what else did he, who flogged me? who, if worsted in some trifling discussion with his fellow-tutor, was more embittered and jealous than I, when beaten at ball by a play-fellow?