Sleeping Beauty (Howard)

Scene I
A special train, a chair car, occupied by students. An upperclassman is attempting to sleep.

Upperclassman: “Things have quieted down and I’ll get a chance for a nap.”

He dozes.

A class-mate: “Hey, wake up! All out for Hunkusville!”

Upperclassman: “Aw, set on a tack.” He dozes.

A Freshman begins blowing a horn.

Upperclassman: “Enough is too darned much!” He chases all the Freshmen out. He dozes.

Scene II
Upperclassman is snoring contentedly.

Somebody drops the brsses of the brass drum.

Upperclassman: “Who—what—hey, what time is it?”

The porter: “One-thirty, suh.”

Upperclassman: “Fine. Everybody’s asleep now. Now for a good nap.” He dozes. The train whistles for a station.

Upperclassman: “Curses!” He dozes.

Scene III
A few minutes later. A flock of girls come through.

Girls (supposedly singing): “I gotta gal, her name is Lulu! I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!”

Upperclassman jumps seven feet out of seat: “Ye gods, what next!”

Girls: “Seventeenth verse, same as the fistfirst [sic], I love Lulu” —exit.

Upperclassman: “Applesauce.” He dozes.

Scene IV
Upperclassman sleeping. Girls return.

Girls, still singing: “Seven hundredth verse, same as the fistfirst [sic], I love Lulu, I love Lulu, darling!”

Upperclassman develops deep and snduring hatred for the name Lulu.

Upperclassman: “Hey, what time is it?”

The porter: “Two-thirty, suh.”

Upperclassman: How much longer before we pull in?”

The porter: “One two hours, suh.”

Girls: “Here’s a nice place to sit; you don’t mind do you?”

They sing: “Eight hundredth verse, same as the first—“

Upperclassman: “No, I don’t mind.” Grinds teeth and bites hunks out of chiar arm.

One hour later.

Girls: “Seven thousandth verse, same as the first, I gotta girl, her name is Lulu, I love Lulu—“

Upperclassman: Conductor, is there no chance at all for a train robbery, hold-ups, murders and all that you know?”

Conductor: “No chance at all, sir.”

Upperclassman: “Darn.”

Exeunt.