Putin's rynda

Top-lap's post: Do you know why we're burning? Because it's a fuck-up. I'll now explain. I have a dacha 153 km from Moscow, [in the] Tver Oblast. A village is such a place, where everyone lives nose tip to nose tip, many have common fences and some, like me and my neighbour for example, don't have a fence at all and actually I don't fucking need it, I have nothing to hide from him and because he's a local inhabitant, he looks after the house when I'm out and mows the grass on my lot which is good for his cow and not bad for me because the lot grows over quickly. So what am I [writing] about, ah, fires. In [my] village under douchebag communists – who are being denounced by everyone now – there were three fire ponds, rynda that people would ring in case of fire and – oh, miracle – fire truck, one for three villages, but at least there was a fire truck. And then misters democrats came and that's when a fuck-up started. They leveled the fire ponds with the ground and sold that ground for construction projects. They did something to the fire truck, maybe aliens fucking stole it, and the rynda was replaced (modernization, damn it) with a telephone that doesn't fucking work because they forgot to connect it to the line. A firefighter stayed but he doesn't have anything except a helmet and robe left after the same bad communists. Here's how he works: there was a fire in the neighbouring village about 15 years ago, they swiftly sent a courier to us and we ran to put out, our firefighter dressed in a uniform, took two buckets, filled them with water (this moment is still a riddle), sat on the bike and went to put out [the fire] together with us, it's enough to make a cat laugh. Someone called the firefighters, but they ultimately arrived only after 5 hours because they were driving from Tver. We were putting [the fire] out with everything at hand, we didn't save the house by sand, water and spits, but the rest [of the houses] somehow withstood. I have a question. Where does our money go? Why every year we slide further and further toward a primitive society? Why do we fucking need some innovative center in Skolkovo if we don't have simple fire trucks? Why before we had such people as foresters who would warn firefighters about fires and didn't allow those fires to affect villages? I don't want a telephone in the village, I want fire ponds and my rynda back, give me my rynda, damn it, and dig me a pond, I'll take care of it myself and will fill it with water if a local administration doesn't want to do it. Just give me a place. [Please] understand, misters officials, your congenial ideas aren't fucking needed in Russia, there was everything conceived before you, smart Russian men, and don't reinvent the wheel because it was already invented and operated normally until you put your muzzles into our business. Exempt me from taxes or simply remove the deductions into pension fund, I wouldn't make it to pension either, living such a life, but for these money I'd buy a fire truck for three villages and would sleep easily, knowing that nobody would take it away from my people, my village neighbours because it, a bitch, would be ours and we would kill for it if necessary. If you, misters officials and deputies, don't fucking care about us, then we don't fucking care about ourselves and our neighbours, remove your shitty laws, let us live the way we want and we want live happily and well. We don't rely on you, we understand everything, your life creed is "everyone owes us something", but you are wrong, you owe us and owe very much, believe it. Give me back my fucking rynda, bitches, and take away your fucking phone. Please support my petition to the authorities of Kalyazinsky District of the Tver Oblast, thank you in advance.

Alexei Venediktov's commentary: Dear Vladimir Vladimirovich, Do you know that people resent about the job the government does to put out fires in the regions of R[ussian] F[ederation]? Of course, nobody will tell it to you in your face, but the Internet is full of criticism and resentment. Particularly, many inhabitants of the affected regions write unflatteringly in their blogs about what your government does. Here is an example of one, not the harshest, report on the Internet. What would you reply to this man?

Vladimir Putin's reply: Dear user, Today at the end of the workday, inhaling, like all Muscovites, the smoke of burning Moscow-area forests, I familiarized myself with big interest and pleasure with your assessment of the situation with forest fires in central Russia. In all fairness it has to be noted that there were no such high temperatures in Russia within 140 years, that is under communists as well. And this, at least partially, exonerates the government, which certainly carries the responsibility for fighting the natural disasters, but which faced such scale and extent of the natural disaster for the first time. However generally I agree with your remarks. Naturally, you are amazingly forthright and straightforward man. Well done. And you are, of course, a gifted litterateur. If you were making money from writing, you could live on Capri, like A. M. Gorky, the favorite writer of V. I. Lenin. But there you wouldn't feel yourself safe either. Because both in Europe and in the US there are natural disasters of similar scales. One may recall how forests in many countries of Europe were burning last year and the year before it. In spite of all problems and hardships, I hope we will make it to pension. All the necessary funds to overcome the aftermath of the natural disaster and solve all other pressing problems have been already sent from the federal budget to the accounts of the affected subjects of Russian Federation. If your address is given, you will obtain your rynda from the governor immediately. Sincerely yours, V. Putin.