Page:Works of Charles Dickens, ed. Lang - Volume 2.djvu/285

 says the doctor. I'll send you a box of pills directly, and don't you never take no more of 'em,' he says. No more o' wot?' says the patient—'Pills?' 'No; crumpets,' says the doctor. Wy?' says the patient, starting up in bed; I've eat four crumpets, ev'ry night for fifteen year, on principle. Well, then, you'd better leave 'em off, on principle,' says the doctor. Crumpets is wholesome, sir,' says the patient. 'Crumpets is not wholesome, sir,' says the doctor, wery fierce. comin' down a little, But they're so cheap,' says the patient, and so wery fillin' at the price.' They'd be dear to you, at any price; dear if you wos paid to eat 'em,' says the doctor. Four crumpets a night,' he says, 'vill do your business in six months!' The patient looks him full in the face, and turns it over in his mind for a long time, and at last he says, 'Are you sure o' that 'ere, sir?' 'I'll stake my professional reputation on it,' says the doctor. 'How many crumpets, at a sittin', do you think 'ud kill me off at once?' says the patient. I don't know,' says the doctor. 'Do you think half a crown's wurth 'ud do it?' says the patient. I think it might,' says the doctor. Three shillins' wurth 'ud be sure to do it, I s'pose?' says the patient. 'Certainly,' says the doctor. Wery good,' says the patient; 'good night.' Next mornin' he gets up, has a fire lit, orders in three shillins' wurth o' crumpets, toasts 'em all, eats 'em all, and blows his brains out."

"What did he do that for?" inquired Mr. Pickwick abruptly; for he was considerably startled by this tragical termination of the narrative.

"Wot did he do it for, sir?" reiterated Sam. "Wy in support of his great principle that crumpets wos wholesome, and to show that he wouldn't be put out of his way for nobody!"

With such like shiftings and changings of the discourse, did Mr. Weller meet his master's questioning on the night of his taking up his residence in the Fleet. Finding all gentle remonstrance useless, Mr. Pickwick at length yielded a