Page:Witty and entertaining exploits of George Buchanan (15).pdf/4

 4      T H E  W I T T Y  E X P L O I T S

cannot hold their peace? O my Sovereign, ſays he, don’t you ſee how your horſes have rent all their chafts laughing at my old boots; then every man looking at his horſe’s mouth, they were all in a rage againſt George; the King cauſed him to be diſmounted directly, and charged him never to let him ſee his face on Engliſh ground. Now, George knowing that nothing could reconcile the King at this time, he came away to Scotland, and cauſed make him a pair of great boats, and put a quantity of Scottiſh earth in each of them, and away he goes for England to ſee the King once more. He hearing the king and his court were to paſs through a country village, George places himſelf up in an old window, and ſets up his bare arſe to the King and his court, as they paſſed by. The King, being greatly amazed to ſee ſuch an unuſual honour done to him, was curious to know the performer; ſo he called unto him, aſking him to come down, and finding it to be George, Sir, ſays the King, Did not I charge you never to let me ſee your face again? True my Sovereign, ſays George, for which I let you ſee my arſe. Ay, but ſays the King, you were never to come on Engliſh ground again: Neither did I, ſays George, pulling off his boots before the King, ſaying, Behold my Sovereign, it is all Scots earth I Hand upon. The King and his court being ſo diverted with this merry joke, George was admitted again to the King’s favour. After this, there aroſe a debate betwixt the King and the Queen about votes in the Parliament; as the King had two votes, the Queen would have one, and would needs be a Parliamenter, or no peace without the preferment; this matter was committed to George by the King; ſo it was agreed with the Parliamenters, that the Queen ſhould be admitted into Parliament for a day; and, accordingly ſhe came, and was received with all the honour and congratulations which were due and becoming her high ſtation: but before any matter of conſequence was brought to the board, George ſeated himſelf hard by the Queen’s feet; all being ſilent, he roſe up very quickly, and lifted one of his legs, and then gave a great fart, which ſet the whole houſe a laughing: Whereat the Queen was greatly offended, crying, Go take the rogue and hang him; to which George anſwered, a fine Parliamenter indeed, to