Page:Witty and entertaining exploits of George Buchanan (15).pdf/18

 18        T H E  W I T T Y  E X P L O I T S his bellows; but he ſent him word, he could not poſiſbly ſpare them out of his kitchen, but he might come there and blow all the day if he would. A ſcholar at the grammar ſchool of St. Andrews, coming into a room where his maſter had laid down a baſket of fine cherries for his own eating the waggiſh boy take it up, and cries aloud, I publiſh the banns between the cherries and my mouth, if any know any juſt cauſe or impediment, why theſe two ſhould not be joined together let them deciare it. The maſter, being in the next room overheard all that was ſaid; and coming into the ſchool he ordered the boy who had eaten his cherries to be taken up, or as he called it, hors'd on another boy's back but before he proceeded to the uſual diſcipline, he cried out aloud as the delinquent had done. I publiſh the banns between this boy's breech and my taws: if any one knows any juſt cauſe or impediment, why theſe two ſhould not be joined together, let them declare it. George paſſing by in the mean time, overheard this proclamation I forbid, the banns, cried he: Why ſo? ſays the ſchool maſter: Becauſe the parties are not agreed, replied he. Which anſwer ſo pleaſed the maſter, that the boy was ſet down without any punishment. A young gentleman, that wanted to be witty on the Scriptures, eating ſome cheefe full of mites one night at a tavern: Now, ſaid he, I have done as much as Samſon for I have ſlain my thouſands, and ten thouſands. Yes replied George, who happened to be in his company, and with the ſame weapon too, the jaw-bone of an aſs; which anſwer ſet the whole company a laughing to ſee the young gentleman beat with his own weapon. George being in company where three biſhops were preſent at dinner, they knowing George to be a great ſcholar, and comical withal, they put upon him to ſay the grace, which he did as follows,

Here are three brethren of the coat, Who for thy bleſſings thank thee not; Curſe them Lord, and bleſs them not. Amen.

Fall on gentlemen, the cauſe is good. This grace made the biſhops look like fools to one another, while George laughed heartily at the confuſion they were in.