Page:Weird Tales volume 38 number 03 CAN.djvu/86

 home and found yourself with an all-consuming thirst for being a healthy ego... for being natural. You follow me."

It wasn't a question, but Jay Swarz felt constrained to answer "Yess." It was getting so clear now, so normally explainable, that he had to show his improvement by joining in, and approving of, the logical explanation.

"Well, sir, you overdid yourself. The abrupt change to a normal way of living, and acting, stirred up half-forgotten vistas of your unfortunate youth. Subconsciously, that is. Once again you were being threatened with unfair punishment. Inwardly, of course. You probably never even perceived... suspected. The first sign was the product of an overworked—though, to you, unsuspected—imagination. The fear complex. The worry over being hideously punished—as you told me you were—because you were doing something that is unalterably natural."

"But, Doctor, my remaining fear of mirrors..."

"You are not afraid."

"I..."

"Mr. Swarz. Believe me. You only think you are afraid. That is why you have been avoiding mirrors with such careful conscientiousness these past few years. As the snake struggles to shed its skin, so are you struggling. And—forgive the comparison—as the reptile finally emerges in new, shining armor, so are you emerging."

"Then, what shall I do?"

"Face your phantom, Mr. Swarz. Defy it. Gaze into your mirror steadily—without fear. Your clouded imagination will be cleared by the calm, cooling breezes of reason."

"L-look into my mirror steadily?"

"Precisely. Drive out the false visions that have been plaguing you so unfairly. Once gone they will never return. On that I stake my reputation."

T WAS a new Jay Swarz who turned the key of his small apartment. It was a new Jay Swarz that tossed his coat onto his bed. It was something he had wanted to do all his life, a life given to circumspectly genuflecting to all the hallowed proprieties. That was over. Done. He was a snake shedding its dull skin for a brighter one... a butterfly emerging in innocent glory from its dull chrysalis... a man.

He turned toward the bathroom. He couldn't help the feeling of aversion... of fear...

But wasn't he now a man? He was. incontestably.

Hand upon the door... fear...twist the knob... no... think... psychiatrist's advice... a learned man... helps people who need guidance... twist the knob... try... sweat forming on a corrugated forehead... Twist the knot... everything explained... logically... exactly... mathematically... truthfully... that last very important.... twist the knob....

And he was inside.

Walk up to the mirror... boldly... stare steadily... unafraid... block out the false phantoms... do it. It's easy... one leg before the other... go ahead... hesitation only hurts... makes things harder... foolish... nothing to be worried about ... all carefully explained... habits of a lifetime... lurking... unfair... no substance... all explained... figments... palpably worthy of derision... go ahead....