Page:Weird Tales Volume 3 Number 4 (1923-04).djvu/95

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In this way, I have the advantage of everyone attending a seance, as I know how things must be done or must start, to be accomplished successfully.

I admit that mediums claim that some seances must be genuine in order to have imitators. I am willing to grant that, but I simply make the statement that I have never attended a seance which was genuine, in my 30 years of investigation, and I believe I have attended the seances of the best known mediums of our times.

Some mediums object to magicians as investigators, but one thousand magicians could not stop the advance of the radio or telephone, irrespective of who or how many would be present. Therefore, I believe that mediums' objections to real investigators is entirely out of place.

If, at any time, you feel that you have something of interest to me in the way of actual proof of psychic phenomena, I promise you that I will make an honest effort to witness same. The very fact that I am constantly before the public eye should give me some opportunity to study the public. Knowing something of the gullibility of the public from a performer's standpoint, I feel I am doing a service in rendering my honest opinion to as many as possible.

A man was giving a lecture on the subject of "Honesty."

He related that when a boy he saw a cart laden with melons outside a shop and nobody about. On the spur of the moment he stole a melon and darted into a passage.

"I soon got my teeth into that melon," he said, "but instantly a queer sensation assailed me, and a shiver ran through me. My resolve was taken at once. I went back to that cart. I replaced the melon [loud applause]—and took a ripe one!"

A famous bishop had the trick of pronouncing "o" like "u" thus: "I am fund of hut cuffee.: Once he was giving advice to a working girls' club and impressed on the members the necessity for arranging full occupation of their spare time. "Above all, girls," he said earnestly, "try by all means available to cultivate a hubby!"

At the entrance of the court-house of Bourdeaux, the Abbe Dupuis received a first wound; others soon leveled him to the ground. A young lad, of about fifteen or sixteen, cut a hole in the cheek with a knife, to hold up the head by, while others were employed in haggling it from the body which was still in agonies, This operation not succeeding in such a crowd they took hold of the legs, and drew the carcass about the streets and around the ramparts. Mr. Langoiran had but just set his foot on the first step of the stairs, when he was knocked down. His head was hacked off in an instant, and a ruffian held it up, crying aloud: :Off with your hats! long live the nation." The bare-headed populace answered: "Long live the nation." The head was then carried round the town in signal of a triumph, gained by a tumultuous populace and ten thousand soldiers under arms, over a poor defenseless priest.

A visitor to a lunatic asylum was approached by an inmate, who begged that his hard case might be laid before a magistrate and his release obtained. The visitor promised to take the necessary steps immediately.

"You will not forget?" said the lunatic.

"Oh, no."

"You are sure you will not forget?"

"Certainly not."

As the visitor turned to go he received a kick that laid him in a heap a few feet away.

"That," said the lunatic, "is in case you should forget."

Little Tommy Truffle had made a discovery and, being of a very generous disposition, was eager to share it with others.

"I is—" he began.

Teacher swooped down at once, that superior smile, so irritating to the senstive mind of youth, upon her lips.

I am,' not 'I is, she corrected.

Tommy looked a little pained; almost, perhaps, a little doubtful. But he was an obedient little boy.

"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet," he announced.

The maiden was pretty and charming and young. Coquettish she stood where mistletoe hung— He was fondly intent upon kissing the miss But only succeeded in missing the kiss.