Page:Watty and May, or, The wife reclaimed.pdf/21

21 wad gang, and then if it should rain whisky, I wad put my umbrella to keep it aff me ! Weel I gaed awa about it at e’en and found out the secretary o’ the society, and I scarted down my name in round write, coorse enough to be seen on baith sides, and hurried hame to tell the wife, Jennet; and on hearing the news, she maist lap back height wi’ joy ; and noo the Saturday nichts are the happy reverse o’ what they were in former days, for instead o’ gaun hame the waur o’ the base liquor, whisky, I can gang hame wi’ my siller jingling in my pouch, wi’ my waft in the tae hand, and a sheep’s head in the tither, and the trotters sticking oot o’ every coat and waistcoat pouch like young kangaroos, and my head stuffed fu’ o temper- ance news, and my bonnet wi’ as mony tracts on the same subject, as, if spread out, wad mak’ a guid Reformer’s flag. Time wad fail me fock, to tell ye a’ the benefits o’ the new system ; but I was just anxious to appear amang ye for the double purpose o’ redeeming my character, and recommending that cause to ithers that has been sic a wonderfu’ blessing to mysel’

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TAKING IT OUT OF HIS MOUTH.

A placid minister, near Dundee, preaching about the prophet Jonah, said : “ Ken ye, brethren, what fish it was that swallowed him ! Aiblins ye may think it was a shark ; nae,nae, my brethren, it was nae shark ; or aiblins ye may think it was a saumon ; nae, nae, my brethren, it was nae saumon ; or aiblins ye may think it was a dolphin ; nae,nae, my brethren, it was nae dolphin.” Here, an auld woman, thinking to help her pastor ont of a dead lift, cried out, “ Aiblins, Sir, it was a dunter (the vulguar name of a species of whale common to the Scotch coast. “ Aiblins, Madam, ye’re an auld witch for taking the word o’ God out o’ my mouth,” was the reply of the dis- appointed rhetorician.