Page:Watty and May, or, The wife reclaimed.pdf/20

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THE WEST KINTRA WEAVER

TURNED TEETOTALER.

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[This celebrated Scottish story used to be told by the late John Drummond, with tremendous applause.]

It’s as fack as death, I’m maist burning wi’ shame to baud up my head before sic a respectable company, particularly as my character, drawn in gey black colours, has been here before me ; but as ye hae heard the first o’t, and I hope the warst o’t, I trust that ye’ll pay attention to what remains o’ my history, and ye’ll be better able to judge o’ the story through and through. Weel, fock, I’m the Kilbarchan weaver, Sawnie Perkar’s uncle, that got himsel fu’ about a twalmounth syne, kickit up a rippet wi’ the landlady, and twa or three mae that pretended to be my friends, but sat on my coat tail a’ that day ; but what I’m maist anxious to inform you is this—-I learned a lesson that I’ll no soon forget, and the happy result has been, that frae that day to this, spirits o’ ony kind hasna crossed my craig ; and I’m proud to say’t, that Janet Galbraith, my law'fu’ married wife, has a’ the credit o’ the happy change. I own that I was foolish, very foolish ; and I daursay I micht hae remained foolish tae this very day had it no been for the kind, and soothing, the win- ning gaet o’ my ain wife Jennet, wha addressed me in the following good natured strain :—Robin, quo’ she, Robin, mony an advice I hae gean ye, man, but your sair head and your loom pouch this morning shows plainly that I hae laboured in vain ! Noo, I would gie my advice, if ye wad but tak it man—it’s done thousands guid that hae waded a heap deeper in the ditch than ever ye did. My simple request is this, Robin, that ye’ll summon up a’ your resolution, and join the Teetotalers 1 Aweel, fock, I was at the time labouring under an awfu’ remorse o’ conscience—a state o’ mind weel named the horrors:— when Jennet’s words fell on my lugs, and re-echoed the qualms o’ the faithfu’ monitor within. I saidna muckle at the time, but I assure ye I thocht hard ; and I there and then determined, that as soon as the shaking o’ my hand wad permit me, to scart down my name, down it