Page:Vivian Grey, Volume 2.djvu/136

 ordered the door-keeper to have the door oiled immediately, at his own expence. Now for my Lord, the King's justice,

"'Gentlemen of the Jury!'

"'The noise is insufferable—the heat is intolerable—the door-keepers let the people keep shuffling in—the ducks in the corner are going quack quack, quack—here's a little girl being tried for her life, and the judge can't hear a word that's said. Bring me my black cap, and I'll condemn her to death instantly.'

"'You can't, my Lord,' shrieks the infant sinner; 'it's only for petty larceny!'

"This is agreeable, is it not? but let us see what the next trial will produce:—this was an action of trespass, for breaking off the pump handle, knocking down the back kitchen door, spitting on the parlour carpet, and tumbling the maid's head about.