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(Choked with emotion, brushes aside a tear in his emerald muffler.) May the good God bless him!

(Uncloaks impressively, revealing obesity, unrolls a paper and reads solemnly.) Aleph Beth Ghimel Daleth Hagadah Tephilim Kosher Yom Kippur Hanukah Roschaschana Beni Brith Bar Mitzvah Mazzoth Askenazim Meshuggah Talith.

The Court of Conscience is now open. His Most Catholic Majesty will now administer open air justice. Free medical and legal advice, solution of doubles and other problems. All cordially invited. Given at this our loyal city of Dublin in the year 1 of the Paradisiacal Era.

What am I to do about my rates and taxes?

Pay them, my friend.

Thank you.

Can I raise a mortgage on my fire insurance?

(Obdurately.) Sirs, take notice that by the law of torts you are bound over in your own recognisances for six months in the sum of five pounds.

A Daniel did I say? Nay! A Peter O’Brien!

Where do I draw the five pounds?