Page:Theparadiseoftheholyfathers.djvu/385

 And when the brother saw that he was coming to him, he threw himself on his face upon the ground, and shedding tears cried out and said, “I have sinned against God and against thee, O father, and I would neither listen to thy promise nor to thine admonition, and had I but hearkened unto thee, I should not have had to bear what I have suffered.” And having said these words, Rabbâ said unto him, “Rise up, O wretched man, thou hast snatched thyself away from the good things which were awaiting thee, for in very truth there was laid up for thee a crown which thou hast cast away from thee; thou wast ready to be reckoned with the holy martyrs, but thou hast cut thyself off from their blessed companionship. Our Lord Jesus Christ was near with His holy angels, and He wished to lay the crown upon thy head. Through thy momentary turning back thou hast refused (or denied) this, and in being afraid of that death which thou wast about to endure, a death which thou didst not seek, thou hast fallen away from God and destroyed thine everlasting life. Where are the words which [thou didst speak] before this [happened]? Where is thy desire for martyrdom?” And the brother said, “I have sinned in all these [respects], O father, and I am no longer able to lift up my face to heaven. I am lost, O father, I have no position wherefrom I may contemplate what I shall do, O father, I never expected that the matter would happen thus.”

Then having said these words with tears, Rabbâ spake unto him, saying, “Thou, O wretched man, hast made thyself altogether an alien to the Lord, but the Lord is good, and He never keepeth His anger for a testimony, for He is a lover of mercy, and He is able to sink our sins in the depths of the sea. As far as are the heavens from the earth so far hath He put away our iniquity and sins. For He desireth not the death of the sinner, but his repentance, and He wisheth not that a man who hath fallen should remain in his fallen condition, but that he should rise up; and He desireth not that he who hath turned back should keep afar off from Him, but that he should return quickly to Him. Therefore despair not, for there is still a hope of [thy] redemption. For it is said, ‘If thou cuttest down a tree it shall renew itself’ (Job 14:7). If then thou wishest to obey me in everything which I shall say unto thee, thou shalt obtain forgiveness from God.” And with tears the brother said, “From this time forward I will obey thee in everything, O father.” Then Rabbâ commanded him to seclude himself in a cell alone, and never to hold converse with any man until death, and to eat one meal daily, of bread and salt only, and to drink water only for the whole