Page:Thecompleteascet02liguuoft.djvu/57

 2. God forewarns  sinners  that  they  will  seek  him  in death  and  will  not  find  him:    You  shall  seek  and  shall  not find Me? They shall  not  find   him   because  they  will  not then seek  him   through  love,  but  only  through  the  fear of  hell;   they   will    seek   God    without   renouncing  their affection for  sin,  and  hence  they  shall  not  find  him.

No, my  God,  I  will  not  wait  to  seek  Thee  in  death, but will  seek  and  desire  Thee  from  this  moment. I am sorry  for  having  hitherto  given  Thee  so  much  displeasure  by  seeking  to  gratify  my  own  inclinations. I am sorry  for  it,  I  confess  that  I  have  done  evil. But Thou wiliest not  that  the  heart  that  seeks  Thee  should  despair, but rejoice:  Let  the  heart  of  them  rejoice  that  seek  the  Lord? Yes, O  Lord! I seek  Thee,  and  I  love  Thee  more  than myself.

3. How    miserable    is    the    Christian   who   before    his death  has  not  spent  a  good  part  of  his  life  in  bewailing his sins! It is  not  to  be  denied  that  such  a  man  may  be converted   at   his   death   and   obtain    salvation;  but   the mind   obscured,    the    heart    hardened,    the    bad    habits formed,   the    passions    predominant,  render    it    morally impossible  for   him    to   die  happily. An  extraordinary grace will  be  necessary  for  him;   but  does  God  reserve such a  grace  to  bestow  it  upon  one  who   has  continued ungrateful to  him  even  until  the  moment  of  death? O God,  to    what    straits    are    sinners    reduced    to    escape eternal destruction!

No, my  God,  I  will  not  wait  until  death  to  repent  of my  sins  and  to  love  Thee. I am  sorry  now  for  having offended Thee;  now  do  I  love  Thee  with  my  whole  heart. Suffer me  not  any  more  to  turn  my  back  upon  Thee; rather let  me  die. O holy  Mother,  Mary,  obtain  for  me perseverance  in  virtue.