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220 There was a hope, indeed, that we would be able to hold Corinth, and, by inducing the Federals to attack us in our fortifications, regain something of the advantage we had lost. The defeat, therefore, bad as it was, was not so desperate an overthrow as the one at Fort Donelson ; but, although I felt this, and felt that if we could but hold our ground a little while all might be well, I was so despondent over the way things seemed to be going, that I had little heart to continue in the contest any longer. At the same time I was loath to give the thing up, and could not help reflecting that the true spirit of heroism required me to bear adversity with fortitude, and to seek to advance the interests of my cause, no matter how unpropitious the times might seem. I was more than ever anxious now, however, to enter upon the line of duty for which I esteemed myself particularly fitted; for, now that the excitement of the battle-field was over, and defeat once more compelled reflection, 1 could not help thinking that I was doing no very material service by plunging into the thick of a fight, as much for the enjoyment of the thing as anything else, whereas I could be worth many soldiers to the Confederacy if intrusted with certain duties of equal responsibility and danger, which I could perform much better than any man. How to obtain an assignment to this kind of duty, however, was what puzzled me, and it really almost seemed that a first-rate opportunity of distinguishing myself as a secret service emissary would never be offered. Resolving in my own mind all manner of plans for the future, but unable to determine what my next move had better be, I made my way back to camp feeling, as I reflected on my brilliant expectations of a few days before, as if I were returning from a fool's errand, although I cannot say that I was sorry on account of having taken a hand in the fight, for throughout the two days I had borne myself as gallantly as the best, while simply as a personal adventure, the battle was a memorable affair for more reasons than one. It was at least something for me to have stood by the side of my expected husband throughout the long and bloody contest, and to have given him proofs of my valorous disposition, such as he could scarcely help remembering, with pleasure, in the future, when he learned that the little independent lieutenant, and the