Page:The woman in battle .djvu/189

Rh the trenches. I was less fitted to stand this kind of exposure than many of my comrades, for, independently of my sex, I was born and brought up in a semi-tropical climate, and although inured to hardships during the months I had been figuring as a soldier, I was but indifferently qualified to endure the sufferings of this terrible night. When entering upon a soldier's career, however, I was animated by a stern resolve not to shirk any duty I might be called on to undertake, no matter how arduous or uncongenial it might be; and although I was, on this occasion, really intruding myself where I did not belong, my pride would not have permitted me to back down, even had I fully appreciated, before starting for the trenches, what I would have to go through with before I could return to shelter again. As for the person whose duty I had undertaken to perform, he undoubtedly thought himself particularly lucky in getting rid of such an ugly job, and I fancy that he considered me a fool for the eagerness I displayed to get into a scrape for his benefit. I hope he managed to have a good time during the long hours of that dreadful night, for in spite of what I suffered I bore him no hard feelings.

If repentance for my rashness in resolving to play a soldier's part in the war was ever to overcome me, however, now was the time; and I confess that, as the sleet stung my face, and the biting winds cut me to the bones, I wished myself well out of it, and longed for the siege to be over in some shape, even if relief came only through defeat. The idea of defeat, however, was too intolerable to be thought of, and I banished it from my mind whenever it occurred to me, and argued with myself that I was no better than the thousands of brave men around, who were suffering from these wintry blasts as much as I. The agonized cries of the wounded, and their piteous calls for water, really affected me more than my own discomfort; and had it not been for the heart-rending sounds that greeted my ear every moment, I could, perhaps, have succeeded better than I did in bearing up under the horrors of the night with some degree of equanimity. Every now and then a shriek