Page:The whole familiar colloquies of Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam.djvu/337

THE FALSE KNIGHT. 333 lest he lose his credit as well as his money for looking no better after it. Ha. That is very probable, for I suppose you know the Count of the White Vulture. Ne. Why not ? Ha. I have heard of a certain Spaniard, a handsome genteel fellow, that lodged at his house; he carried away a matter of six hundred florins, behaving himself with that state that the count never dared to open his mouth against him. Ne. You have a precedent, then. You may now and then send out a servant for a soldier, and he, having rifled churches and monas- teries, will return laden with the plunder that he has got by the law of arms. Ha. This is the safest expedient that we have had yet. Ne. There is yet another way of getting money. Ha. Pray, let me hear what that is. Ne. Pick a quarrel with those that have a good deal of money, especially with monks or priests, for the people generally look very invidiously upon them now-a-days viz., one broke a jest upon you, another spit upon your escutcheon, another spoke dishonourably of you ; one or the other wrote something that might be interpreted scandalous. Send your heralds to declare an irreconcilable war. Breathe nothing but destruction and ruin, and they, being terrified, will come to you to make it up. Then see that you set a great price upon your dignity ; and that is, you must ask out of reason for your bearing that which is reasonable. If you make a demand of three thousand guineas, they will be ashamed to offer you less than two hundred. Ha. And I will threaten others with the law. Ne. That is more like a sycophant ; but yet it may help in some degree.

But, hark you, Harpalus, I had almost forgot what I should have mentioned first. Some young wench with a good fortune is to be drawn into the noose of matrimony; you have charms in yourself, you are young and handsome, you are a beau, and have a pretty smiling countenance; give it out that you are called away to some great office in the emperor's court. Girls are fond of marrying nobility. Ha. I know some that have made their fortunes this way. But what if the cheat should be discovered, and all my creditors should fall upon me at once 1 Then I, the sham knight, shall become a laughing-stock ; for creditors hate this sort of tricking worse than they do robbing of churches. Ne. Why, in this case you must remember to put on a brazen face, and that impudence never passed so current for wisdom as it does now-a-days. You must betake yourself to invention for some excuse, and you will always find some easy people that will favour it, and some so civil that if they perceive the fallacy they will not discover it. And last of all, if you can do nothing else you must shew them a pair of heels, and run into the army or a riot ; for as the sea hides all mischief, so war hides all sins. And now-a-days he that has not been, trained up in this school is not looked upon fit to be a commander. This must be your last shift, when everything else fails you j but you must turn every stone before you come to it.

Take care that you are not ruined by being bound for other men. Shun little towns that a man cannot let a fart in but the people must know it. In great and populous cities a man may take more liberty, unless it be in such a place as Marseilles. Make it your business to know what people say of you ; and when you hear the people begin to talk at this rate, What does this man do here so long 1 why does he not go home and look after his castles 1 whence does he take his pedi-