Page:The whole familiar colloquies of Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam.djvu/334

330 FAMILIAR COLLOQUIES. Ne. And take care not to wear anything that is whole ; but cut your hat and your doublet, your hose and your shoes, and your nails too, if you can. Never talk of anything that is mean. If any traveller comes out of Spain, inquire of him how the king and the pope agree, how your cousin the Count of Nassau does, and all the rest of the officers your old jolly acquaintances. Ha. It shall be done. Ne. Wear a seal-ring upon your finger. Ha. That is if my pocket will speak. Ne. Then you may have a brass ring gilt with a doublet for a small matter; but then you must have your coat of arms upon it too. Ha. What bearing would you have me choose ? Ne. Why, if you will, two milk-pails and a pot of ale. Ha. You joke upon me ; but do tell me seriously. Ne. Were you ever in a battle 1 Ha. I never saw a battle. Ne. But I believe you have beheaded the farmers' geese and capons. Ha. Ay, many a time, and manfully too. Ne. Why, then, let your coat of arms be three goose heads or, and a whin- yard argent. Ha. What must the field be ? Ne. What should it be but gules'? a monument of blood shed plentifully. Ha. Ay, why not ? for the blood of a goose is as red as the blood of a man. But, pray, go on. Ne. Have this coat of arms hung over the gate of every inn you lodge at.

Ha. What shall be added to the helmet? Ne. That is well thought on ; make that with a mouth slit from ear to ear. Ha. What is your reason for that? Ne. First, to give you air, and then that it may be suitable to your dress. But what must the crest be 1 Ha. I want to know that. Ne. A dog's head with bangle ears. Ha. That is common. Ne. Then add two horns to it this is uncommon. Ha. I like that very well. But what beasts shall I have for sup- porters ? Ne. Why, as for bucks, and dogs, and dragons, and griffins, they have been all taken up already by princes; you shall have two harpies. Ha. Nothing can be better.

Ne. But then we want the title. In the first place, you must be sure to take care not to suffer yourself to be called Harpalus Comensis, but Harpalus a Como ; the one is noble, the other pedantic. Ha. It is so. Ne. Is there anything you can call yourself lord of? Ha. No, not so much as a hog's stye. Ne. Were you born in any famous city ? Ha. No, in a poor sorry village ; for a man must not lie when he asks counsel. Ne. That is very true; but is there never a moun- tain near that village ? Ha. There is. Ne. And is there any rock near that ? Ha. Yes, a very steep one. Ne. Why, then, you shall be Harpalus, the Knight of the Golden Rock. Ha. But most great men, I observe, have their peculiar mottoes, as Maximilian had, Keep within compass ; and Philip, He that will ; and Charles, Further yet ; some one thing and some another. Ne. Well, do you let yours be, Turn eveiy stone. Ha. Nothing more pertinent.

Ne. Now, to confirm the world in their esteem of you, you must counterfeit letters sent you from such and such great persons, in which you must frequently be styled the illustrious knight; and there must be mention made of great affairs, as of estates, castles, huge revenues, commands, great offices, rich matches; and you must contrive that these letters shall fall into people's hands, as being dropped by chance or for- gotten. Ha. That will be very easy to me; for I understand letters, and have so used myself to it, that I can counterfeit any man's hand so