Page:The whole familiar colloquies of Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam.djvu/308

 SO 4 FAMILIAR COLLOQUIES. place, do not attempt to do that which is impossible to be done. Sp. What is that 1 A p. To be a master of a feast, and give satisfaction to all your guests, when there is a great variety of palates. Sp. Well, then, that I may displease but a few 1 Ap. Call but a few. Sp. But that cannot be. Ap. Then invite those that are equals and of agree- able humours. Sp. I am not at liberty to do that neither ; I cannot avoid inviting a great many, and of different humours, nor are they all of the same speech or nation. Ap. You talk of a bedlam rather than a banquet. Here will necessarily arise such confusion as the Hebrews relate to have happened at the building of Babel, that when one asks for cold water the other will bring him hot. Sp. But, prithee, help me out at a dead lift; you shall find I will be both mind- ful of and grateful for your good office. Ap. Well, come, then ; seeing you are not at liberty to pick and choose your guests, I will give you advice in this difficult point. It signifies no small matter as to the mirth of the entertainment what places any of them sit in. Sp. That is very right. Ap. But to take away all occasion of uneasiness, let them cast lots for their places. Sp. That is well advised. Ap. Let not your dishes proceed gradu- ally from the upper to the lower end of the table, so as to make the letter 2, or rather in a serpentine order, or to be changed reciprocally hither and thither, as the myrtle in old times used to be handed aboiit at banquets. Sp. How then ? Ap. To every four gxtests set four dishes, so that the fourth may be the middlemost, as boys upon three nuts set a fourth ; in every one of these let there be a different sort of victuals, that every one may help himself to what he likes. Sp. Well, I like that very well ; but how often must I change the dishes ? Ap. How many parts are there in a theatrical oration ? Sp. Five, I think. Ap. How many acts are there in a play I Sp. I have read in Horace that they ought not to exceed five. Ap. Well, then, so many different courses you must have. Let the first course be soup, and the last a dessert of sweetmeats. Sp. What order of the courses do you approve of? Ap. The same that Pyrrhus did in his army. Sp. What say you 1 Ap. As in an oration so at a feast, the preface or first courses should not be very delicate ; and again, the last course should rather excel in variety than daintiness. So Pyrrhus's discipline consisted in three particulars, that on each side there should be some- thing excellent, and in the middle that which was more ordinary. By this method it will be so ordered that you will neither appear to be sparing nor prodigal by reason of a cloying abundance. Sp. The eating part is well enough contrived ; now tell me what is to be done as to drinking. Ap. Do not you give the cup to any- body ; leave that to your servants, to ask everybody what sort of wine he likes, and to fill eveiy one the wine he drinks readily at the very first call or nod. In this there will be a twofold conveniency, they will drink both more sparingly and more merrily; not only because every now and then there would otherwise be a different sort of wine given them, but also because nobody will drink but when he is dry. Sp. Upon my word, this is very goad advice. But then, how will they all be made merry ? Ap. That is partly in your power. Sp. How is that ? Ap. You know the old proverb, A hearty welcome is the best cheer. Sp. How is that? Ap. .Entertain them courteously,