Page:The whole familiar colloquies of Desiderius Erasmus of Rotterdam.djvu/228

 224 FAMILIAR COLLOQUIES. you must do it here; here are some to take your account ; it must be put off no longer. The officers sat by with books ready for the purpose. The young man, being come to this pinch, replies very smartly : Most invincible Csesar, I do not refuse to give an account, but am not very well skilled in these sort of accounts, never having given any; but these that sit here are very ready at such accounts. If I do but once see how they make up such accounts, I can very easily imitate them. I entreat you to command them but to shew me an example, and they shall see I am very docible. Csesar perceived what he meant, but they upon whom it was spoken did not, and smiling, answered him, You say true, and what you demand is nothing but what is reasonable, and so dismissed the young man ; for he intimated that they used to bring in such accounts to Csesar as he had, that is, to keep good part of the money to themselves. Le. Now it is time that our story-telling should pass, as they say, from better to worse, from kings to Anthony, a priest of Louvain, who was much in favour with Philip surnamed the Good. There are a great many things told of this man, both merrily said and wittily done, but most of them are something slovenly ; for he used to season many of his jokes with a sort of perfume that has not a handsome sound but a worse scent. I will pick out one of the cleanest of them. He had given an invitation to one or two merry fellows that he had met with by chance as he went along, and when he comes home he finds a cold kitchen, nor had he any money in his pocket, which was no new thing with him ; here was but little time for consultation. Away he goes and says nothing, but going into the kitchen of a certain usurer (that was an intimate acquaintance by reason of frequent dealings with him), when the maid was gone out of the way he makes off with one of the brass pots, with the meat ready boiled, under his coat, carries it home, gives it to his cook-maid, and bids her pour out the meat and broth into another earthen pot, and rub the usurer's brass one till it is bright. Having done this he sends his boy to the pawnbroker to borrow two groats upon it, but charges him to take a note that should be a testimonial that such a pot had been sent him. The pawnbroker, not knowing the pot, being scoured so bright, takes the pawn, gives him a note, and lays him down the money, and with that money the boy buys wine, and so he provided an entertainment for him'. By and by, when the pawnbroker's dinner was going to be taken up, the pot was missing. He scolds at the cook-maid. She being put hardly to it, affirmed nobody had been in the kitchen all that day but Anthony. It seemed an ill thing to suspect a priest. But, however, at last they went to him, searched the house for the pot, but no pot was found. But, in short, they charged him home with the pot, because he was the only person who had been in the kitchen till the pot was missing. He confessed that he had borrowed a pot, but that he had sent it home again to him from whom he had it. But they denying it stiffly, and high words arising, Anthony calling some witnesses, Look you, quoth he, how dangerous a thing it is to have dealings with men now-a-days without a note under their hands. I should have been in danger of being indicted for felony if I had not had the pawnbroker's own hand to shew. And with that he produces the note of his hand. They perceived the trick, and it made good sport all the country over,