Page:The torrent and The night before.djvu/50

 The counterfeit wife my mercy sheltered Was nothing now but a woman;—a woman Out of my way, and out of my nature.— My battle with blinded love was over, My battle with aching pride beginning.— If I was the loser at first, I wonder If I am the winner now! I doubt it. My life is a losing game; and to-morrow To-morrow! . . . Christ!—did I say to-morrow ? Is your brandy good for death? There;—listen:—

When love goes out, and a man is driven To shun mankind for the scars that make him A joke for all chattering tongues, he carries A double burden. The woes I suffered After that hard betrayal made me Pity, at first, all breathing creatures On this bewildered earth. I studied Their faces and made for myself the story Of all their scattered lives. Like brothers And sisters they seemed to me then; and I nourished A stranger friendship wrought in my fancy Between those people and me.—But somehow, As time went on, there came queer glances Out of their eyes; and the shame that stung me Harassed my pride with a crazed impression That every face in the surging city Was turned to me; and I saw sly whispers, Now and then, as I walked and wearied My wasted life twice over in bearing With all my sorrow the sorrows of others,— Till I found myself their fool. Then I trembled— A poor scared thing—and their prying faces Told me the ghastly truth:—they were laughing At me, and my fate. My God, I could feel it— That laughter!—And then the children caught it;