Page:The life of Tolstoy.djvu/36

16 of heaven and embracing all mankind, has remained. As I believed then in the existence of a green stick on which was written the secret which would do away with all evil in humanity and give great happiness, so I believe now that there exists such a truth; this will be divulged to mankind and all promises will be fulfilled."

Leo Tolstoy speaks also of his other brothers:

"With Dimitri I was comrade, Nicolas I respected, but Sergius I adored, imitated, loved, and wished to resemble. I worshipped his handsome exterior, his singing (he was always singing), his drawing, his gaiety, but especially, strange to say, his frank egoism. I always used to be self-conscious, and always felt and guessed, rightly or wrongly, what others thought and felt towards me; and that always spoilt the pleasure of my life. That is probably why in others I so much liked the very opposite—frank egoism. For that reason I particularly loved Sergius. The word 'love' is not correct; I loved Nicolas, but Sergius I worshipped as something strange and foreign to my nature. Such a human life appeared to me beautiful, but quite incomprehensible and mysterious, and was therefore especially attractive."

The brother Dimitri, in his youth, was very religious and unselfish; his self-sacrifice bordered