Page:The life and adventures of James P. Beckwourth, mountaineer, scout, pioneer, and chief of the Crow nation of Indians (IA lifeadventuresof00beckrich).pdf/326

308 I had narrowly escaped starvation in a service in which I had no interest; I had traversed the fastnesses of the far Rocky Mountains in summer heats and winter frosts; I had encountered savage beasts and wild men, until my deliverance was a prevailing miracle. By the mere badinage of a fellow-trapper I had been adopted among the savages, and had conformed my superior habits to their ruthless and untutored ways; I had accompanied them in their mutual slaughters, and dyed my hand crimson with the blood of victims who had never injured me; I had distinguished myself in my barbarian seclusion, and had risen to supreme command in the nation I had devoted myself to. And what had I to show for so much wasted energy, and such a catalogue of ruthless deeds?

I had been the means of saving many a fellow-creature's life. Did they still owe me gratitude? Possibly some few did, while others had forgotten my name. In good truth, when I sought the results of my prolonged labours, I found I had simply wasted my time. I had bestowed years upon others, and only moments upon myself.

However, I still lived, and there was yet time to take more heed unto my ways. I resolved to go home and see my friends, and deliver myself from this present vagabond life. The attachments I had formed during my savage chieftainship still retained some hold upon my affections, and it was barely possible I might return to them, and end my days among my trusty braves. There at least was fidelity, and, when my soul should depart for the spirit land, their rude faith would prompt them to paint my bones, and treasure them until I should visit them from my ever-flowering hunting-ground, and demand them at their hands.

Such sober thoughts as these occupied my mind during my summer residence at the fort. I had brought with me all the peltry we had accumulated, in order to be in season for the boats, which were soon to start for the lower fort. I had directed the village to follow along with whatever peltry they might collect before the departure of the boats.

In obedience to this instruction, about two hundred and fifty warriors came down, bringing their commodities with them but the boats had gone, and I still was waiting at the fort.