Page:The Yellow Book - 02.djvu/184

160 hopeful then; but now the prospect is as hopeless and desolate as before."

Janet saw the tears collecting in Lady Beamish's eyes, and her underlip beginning to quiver. Lady Beamish dared not kiss the girl for fear of breaking into tears: she stood up and went to wards the fire, and trying to conquer her tears said: "Seeing you in trouble makes all my old wounds break out afresh."

Janet gazed in wonder at her, feeling greatly comforted. Lady Beamish put her hand on the girls head as she sat before her and said smiling: "It's strange how one sorrow brings up another, and if you cry you can't tell for what exactly youre crying. As I hear you talk of loneliness, I'm reminded of my own loneliness, so different from yours. As long as my own great friend was living, there was no possibility of loneliness; I was proud, I could have faced the whole world. But since he died, every year has made me feel the want of a sister or brother, some one of my own generation. I don't suppose you can understand what I mean. You say: 'You have sons, and many friends who love and respect you'; that's true, and, indeed, without my sons I should not live; but they've all got past me, even Harry, the youngest. I can do nothing more for them, and as years go by I grow less able to do anything for anybody; my energy leaves me, and I sit still and see the world in front of me, see men and women whom I admire, whose conduct I commend inwardly, but that is all. My heart aches sometimes for a companion of my own age who would sit still with me, who understands my ideas, who has no new object in view, who has done life and has been left behind too"

"Extremes meet," she broke off. "I wish to comfort you, who are looking hopelessly forward, and all I can do is to show you an old woman's sorrow." Rh