Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 9.djvu/279

Rh is meant as an invitation to buy a farthing's worth of milk for his breakfast or supper, unless his curiosity draws him to the window, or until his landlady shall inform him? I produce this only as one instance, among a hundred much worse; I mean, where the words make a sound wholly inarticulate, which gives so much disturbance, and so little information.

The affirmation solemnly made in the cry of herrings, is directly against all truth and probability; herrings alive, alive here; the very proverb will convince us of this; for what is more frequent in ordinary speech, than to say of some neighbour for whom the passing bell rings, that he is dead as a herring? And pray how is it possible, that a herring, which, as philosophers observe, cannot live longer than one minute three seconds and half out of water, should bear a voyage in open boats from Howth to Dublin, be tossed into twenty hands, and preserve its life in sieves for several hours? nay, we have witnesses ready to produce, that many thousands of these herrings, so impudently asserted to be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry land. But this is not the worst. What can we think of those impious wretches who dare in the face of the sun, vouch the very same affirmative of their salmon, and cry salmon alive, alive; whereas, if you call the woman who cries it, she is not ashamed to turn back her mantle, and show you this individual salmon, cut into a dozen pieces? I have given good advice to these infamous disgracers of their sex and calling, without the least appearance of remorse, and fully against the conviction of their own consciences; I have mentioned this grievance to several of our parish ministers, but all