Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 9.djvu/204

194 Shoemaker. Set him in the stocks.

Banker. I'll kick him to half crowns.

2d Banker. I'll pay him off.

Bowler. I'll have a rubber with him.

Gamester. I'll make his bones rattle.

Boddicemaker. I'll lace his sides.

Gardener. I'll make him water his plants.

Alewife. I'll reckon with him.

Cuckold. I'll make him pull in his horns.

Old Woman. I'll mumble him.

Hangman. I'll throttle him.

But at last the people having received assurances that William Wood was neither in the house nor kingdom, appointed certain commissioners to hang him in effigy; whereof the whole ceremony and procession deserve to be transmitted to posterity.

First, the way was cleared by a detachment of the black-guards, with short sticks in their hands, and cockades of paper in their hats.

Then appeared William Wood, esq., represented to the life by an old piece of carved timber, taken from the keel of a ship. Upon his face, which looked very dismal, were fixed at proper distances several pieces of his own coin, to denote who he was, and to signify his calling and his crime. He wore on his head a peruke, very artfully composed of four old mops; a halter about his neck served him for a cravat. His clothes were indeed not so neat and elegant as is usual with persons in his condition (which some censorious people imputed to affectation) for he was covered with a large rug of several colours in patchwork: he was born upon the shoulders of an ablebodied porter. In his march by