Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 8.djvu/427

 sake of a pun: as for instance — suppose a person in the pillory had received a full discharge of eggs upon every part of his face but the handle of it; why would he make the longest verses in the world? Ans. Versos Alexandrinos, i.e. All-eggs-and-dry-nose.

R. 30. The Rule of Naturalization is, that punning is free of all languages: as, for the Latin Romanos, you may say "Roman nose" — Temeraria, "Tom, where are you?" Oxoniæ prospectus, "Pox on you, pray speak to us." For the French, quelque chose, you may say in English "kick shoes." When one says of a thief, "I wish he was transported;" answer, "he is already fur enough." Dr. Swift made an excellent advantage of this rule one night: when a certain peevish gentleman in his company had lost his spectacles, he bid him "have a good heart; for, if it continued raining all night, he would find them in the morning." — "Pray how so?" — "Why, sir,

"Nocte pluit tota, redeunt spectacula mane."

"R. 31. The Rule of Random. When a man speaks any thing that comes uppermost, and some good pun-finder discovers what he never meant in it; then he is to say, "You have hit it!" As major did: complaining that he staid at home by reason of an issue in a leg, which was just beginning to run, he was answered by Mr., "I wonder that you should be confined, who have such running legs." The Major replied, "You have hit it; for I meant that."

R. 32. The Rule of Scandal. Never to speak well of another Punster; ex. gr. "Who, he! Lord,