Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 8.djvu/422

412 there would never be an end of his discourse: but, upon my calling him a rascal, he began to wax warm, and had the impudence to bid me vamp off, for he had not leisure now to talk to me, because he was going to dinner: which vexed me indeed to the very soal. Upon this, I jumped out of his shop in a great rage, and wished that the next bit he eat might be his last." Says another, "I went to a tanner's that owed me some money; and (would you think it?) the pitiful fellow was fleshed at it, insomuch that forsooth he could not hide his resentment, but told me, that it was enough to set a man born mad to be dunned so early in a morning: and as for his part, he would curry favour no longer with me, let me do my worst. Thus the unmannerly cur barked at me, &c."

R. 17. The Sophisticated Rule is, fixing upon a man a saying which he never spoke, and making a pun upon it, as, "Ay, sir, since you say he was born in Bark-shire, I say he is a son of a bitch."

R. 18. The Rule of Train, is a method of introducing puns which have been studied before; ex.gr. By talking of Truelock the gun-smith, his very name will provoke some person in the company to pun. Then you proceed: "Sir, I smell powder, but you are plaguy weak in your main-spring for punning; I would advise you to get a better stock, before you pretend to let off: though you may think yourself prime in this art, you are much mistaken, for a very young beginner may be a match for you. Ay, sir, you may cock and look big; but, u-pan my word, I take you to be no more than a flash; and Mrs. Skin-flint, my neighbour, shall