Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 8.djvu/388

378 great Tom shall be tolled a quarter before eleven precisely; after which, no pool shall be made, to the intent that the ladies may have a quarter of an hour for adjusting their play-purses, and saying their prayers: and, in the absence of the butler who is to be the bell-hour for the night, it may be lawful for a footman to snuff the candles over the ladies' shoulders; provided he be a handsome well-dressed young fellow, with a clean shirt and ruffles.

N. B. That Tom is not to toll on Sundays, without special license from the parish minister; and this not till divine service is over.

And whereas frequent disputes and altercations arise in play between ladies of distinction, insomuch that a by-stander may plainly perceive that they pull coifs in their hearts, and part with such animosity, that nothing but the sovereign reconciler Quadrille could bring them to meet again in one house; it is humbly proposed, for the benefit of trade, that, when a question cannot be decided by the company, the same shall be immediately set down in writing by the lady who can write the best English; and that the case, being thereby stated, and attested by both parties, shall, together with the fee of one fish ad valorem, be laid before the renowned Mr. sergeant Bettesworth, who shall be appointed arbitrator general in all disputes of this kind; and shall, moreover, have sufficient power and authority to give damages for all opprobrious languages; and especially for all hints, squints, innuendoes, leers, and shrugs, or other muscular motions of evil signification, by which the reputation of a lady may be affected, on account of any slip