Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 8.djvu/386

376 the noble and ignoble, the learned and the ignorant, the prude and the coquet, wives, widows, and maids, to one common level; giving preference of the best place and warmest corner, not according to the fantastical distinctions of birth, quality, and station, but by equal lot: as it is a sovereign cure for animosities, making people good friends for the time being, who heartily hate one another: as it prevents the squabbles, so frequent among other dealers, about the weight of gold, and gives the lightest the same value and currency with the heaviest; which is no small advantage to the publick at this juncture, when change is grown so scarce: and, to name no more, as it enables the butler to go as fine as his master, without an increase of wages:

And whereas, for want of true taste and relish of the said noble game, diversdiverse [sic] ladies are tardy, and come late to the rendezvous, being detained by the paltry cares of a family, or a nap after dinner, or by hooking in a few street visits at doors where they expect to be denied, and are sometimes cruelly bit; while the true professors and adepts, who consider the shortness of human life and the value of precious time, are impatiently waiting for such loiterers, and curse innocent clocks and watches that are forced to lie in justification of their tardiness:

Now, in order to cut off those frivolous pretences, and prevent those ill-bred and injurious practices for the future; and to the intent that every lady may have due notice of the appointed hour it is hereby proposed, that a subscription be set on foot, for erecting a square tower in the middle of St. Stephen's Green; and that a bell be hung in the same, large enough