Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 8.djvu/332

322 Lady Answ. I find, the colonel thinks, a dead wife under the table is the best goods in a man's house.

Lady Smart. O but, colonel, if you had a good wife, it would break your heart to part with her.

Col. Yes, madam; for they say, he that has lost his wife and sixpence, has lost a tester.

Lady Smart. But, colonel, they say, that every married man should believe there's but one good wife in the world, and that's his own.

Col. For all that, I doubt, a good wife must be bespoke; for there's none ready made.

Miss. I suppose, the gentleman's a womanhater; but, Sir, I think you ought to remember, that you had a mother: and pray, if it had not been for a woman, where would you have been, colonel?

Col. Nay, miss, you cried whore first, when you talk'd of the knapsack.

Lady Answ. But I hope you won't blame the whole sex, because some are bad.

Neverout. And they say, he that hates woman, suck'd a sow.

Col. O, madam; there's no general rule without an exception.

Lady Smart. Then, why don't you marry, and settle?

Col. Egad, madam, there's nothing will settle me but a bullet.

''Ld. Sparkish''. Well, colonel, there 's one comfort, that you need not fear a cannon-bullet.

Col. Why so, my Lord?

''Ld. Sparkish''. Because they say, he was curs'd in his mother's belly that was kill'd by a cannon-bullet. Miss.