Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 6.djvu/239

Rh had thereby at least this advantage, that it became a controversy which was the right owner; yet I would take such caution, that he should have the honour entire, without a rival.

We next went to the school of languages, where three professors sat in consultation, upon improving that of their own country.

The first project was, to shorten discourse, by cutting polysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and participles; because, in reality, all things imaginable are but nouns.

The other project was, a scheme for intirely abolishing all words whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of health, as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we speak, is, in some degree, a diminution of our lungs by corrosion; and consequently, contributes to the shortening of our lives. An expedient was therefore offered, that since words are only names for things, it would be more convenient, for all men to carry about them such things, as were necessary to express a particular business they are to discourse on. And this invention would certainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as health of the subject, if the women, in conjunction with the vulgar and illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion, unless they might be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after the manner of their forefathers; such constant irreconcileable enemies to science, are the common people. However, many of the most learned and wise, adhere to the new scheme of expressing themselves by things; which has only this inconvenience attending it, that if a man's business be very great, and Rh