Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 3.djvu/151

N° 30. here understand that value which every man puts upon his own deservings from the publick. And I believe, there could not be a more difficult employment found out, than that of paymaster general to this sort of merit; or a more noisy, crowded place, than a court of judicature erected to settle and adjust every man's claim upon that article. I imagine, if this had fallen into the fancy of the ancient poets, they would have dressed it up after their manner into an agreeable fiction; and given us a genealogy and description of merit, perhaps not very different from that which follows.

A poetical genealogy and description of MERIT.

true Merit was the son of Virtue and Honour; but that there was likewise a spurious child, who usurped the name, and whose parents were Vanity and Impudence. That at a distance there was a great resemblance between them, and they were often mistaken for each other. That the bastard issue had a loud shrill voice, which was perpetually employed in cravings and complaints; while the other never spoke louder than a whisper, and was often so bashful that he could not speak at all. That in all great assemblies the false Merit would step before the true, and stand just in his way; was constantly at court, or great men's levees, or whispering in some minister's ear. That the more you fed him, the more hungry and importunate he grew. That he often passed for the true son of Virtue and Honour, and the genuine, for an impostor. That he was born distorted and a dwarf, but by force of art appeared of handsome shape, and taller than the usual size; " and