Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 2.djvu/67

Rh father's will; and get shoulder-knots, by help of distinctions; gold-lace, by help of tradition; flame-coloured satin lining, by means of a supposed codicil; silver fringe, by virtue of critical interpretation; and embroidery of Indian figures, by laying aside the plain literal meaning. The will at last locked up. Peter got into a lord's house, and after his death turned out his children, and took in his own brothers in their stead.

concerning Criticks. Three sorts of Criticks; the two first sorts now extinct. The true sort of Criticks' genealogy; office; definition. Antiquity of their race proved from Pausanias, who represents them by Asses browzing on vines; and Herodotus, by Asses with horns; and by an Ass, that frightened a Scythian army; and Diodorus, by a Poisonous Weed; and Ctesias, by Serpents that poison with their vomit; and Terence, by the name of Malevoli. The true Critick compared to a Taylor; and to a true Beggar. Three characteristicks of a true modern Critick.

continued. Peter assumes grandeur and titles; and, to support them, turns projector. The Author's hopes of being translated into foreign languages. Peter's first invention, of Terra Australis Incognita. The second of a remedy for Worms. The third, a Whispering-office. Fourth, an Insurance Office. Fifth, an Universal Pickle. Sixth, a set of Bulls with leaden feet. Lastly, his pardons to malefactors. Peter's brains turned; he plays several tricks, and turns out his brothers' wives. Gives his brothers bread for mutton and for wine. Tells huge lies; of a Cow's milk, that