Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 2.djvu/246

194 He was the first, that ever found out the secret of contriving a soporiferous medicine to be conveyed in at the ears ; it was a compound of sulphur, and balm of Gilead, with a little pilgrim's salve.

He wore a large plaster of artificial causticks on his stomach, with the fervour of which he could set himself a groaning, like the famous board upon application of a red-hot iron.

He would stand in the turning of a street, and calling to those who passed by, would cry to one, Worthy Sir, do me the honour of a good slap in the chaps. To another, Honest friend, pray favour me with a handsome kick on the arse: Madam, shall I intreat a small box on the ear from your ladyship's fair hands? Noble captain, lend a reasonable thwack, for the love of God, with that cane of yours over these poor shoulders. And when he had, by such earnest solicitations, made a shift to procure a basting sufficient to swell up his fancy and his sides, he would return home extremely comforted, and full of terrible accounts of what he had undergone for the publick good. Observe this stroke (said he, showing his bare shoulders) a plaguy janizary gave it me this very morning at seven o'clock, as, with much ado, I was driving off the great Turk. Neighbours, mind, this broken head deserves a plaster; had poor Jack been tender of his noddle, you would have seen the pope and the French king, long be fore