Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 17.djvu/91

Rh his razor to the midwife, and she her swaddling-clothes to the barber. Accordingly Thales Milesius (who, like the rest of his countrymen, borrowed his learning from the Egyptians) after having computed the time of this famous conjunction, "then," says he, "shall men and women mutually exchange the pangs of shaving and childbearing."

Anaximander modestly describes this metamorphosis in mathematical terms, "then," says he, "shall the negative quantity of the women be turned into positive, their — into + (i. e.) their minus into plus."

Plato not only speaks of this great change, but describes all the preparations toward it. "Long before the bodily transformation (says he) nature shall begin the most difficult part of her work, by changing the ideas and inclinations of the two sexes: men shall turn effeminate, and women manly; wives shall domineer, and husbands obey; ladies shall ride a horseback, dressed like cavaliers; princes and nobles appear in nightrails and petticoats; men shall squeak upon theatres with female voices, and women corrupt virgins; lords shall knot and cut paper: and even the northern people, ." A phrase (which for modesty's sake I forbear to translate) which denotes a vice too frequent among us.

That the ministry foresaw this great change, is plain from the calico act; whereby it is now become the occupation of the women all over England, to convert their useless female habits into beds, window-curtains, chairs, and joint-stools; undressing themselves (as it were) before their transformation.

The philosophy of this transformation will not Rh