Page:The Works of the Rev. Jonathan Swift, Volume 17.djvu/259

Rh very mischievous thing. When John came home, he found a more surprising scene than any he had yet met with, and that you will say was somewhat extraordinary.

He called his cook-maid Betty to bespeak his dinner: Betty told him, "That she begged his pardon, she could not dress dinner, till she knew what he intended to do with his will." "Why, Betty," quoth John, "thou art not run mad, art thou? My will at present is to have dinner." "That may be," quoth Betty, "but my conscience won't allow me to dress it, till I know whether you intend to do righteous things by your heir?" "I am sorry for that, Betty," quoth John, "I must find somebody else then." Then he called John the barber. Before I begin," quoth John, "I hope your honour won't be offended, if I ask you whether you intend to alter your will? If you won't give me a positive answer, your beard may grow down to your middie, for me." "'Igad so it shall," quoth Bull, for I will never trust my throat in such a mad fellow's hands. Where's Dick the butler?" "Look ye," quoth Dick, "I am very willing to serve you in my calling, d'ye see; but there are strange reports, and plain dealing is best, d'ye see; I must be satisfied if you intend to leave all to your nephew, and if Nic. Frog is still your executor, d'ye see, if you will not satisfy me as to these points, you may drink with the ducks." "And so I will," quoth John, "rather than keep a butler that loves my heir better than myself." Hob the shoemaker, and Pricket the tailor, told him, "They would most willingly serve him in their several stations, if he would promise them never to talk with